


all those roads led to you

by kihyuks



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Confessions, Falling In Love, Fanfiction, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Sharing a Bed, Texting, both of those are super minor though so dont expect too much, idolverse, one of the members is a fic writer, showho are dating and theres hints towards hyungheon, there's a lot of talk abt fics within this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-12 09:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20561984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyuks/pseuds/kihyuks
Summary: minhyuk stumbles across some changkihyuk fanfiction which leads to two interesting discoveries. one is that he's in love with two of his members, and the other is that one of their members is the one writing the fics, but he doesn't know which of them it is, and he really wants to find out who.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> for the person whose prompt i picked: this is probably not what you expected in a fic at all and it accidentally ended up long as hell but i rly loved ur prompt so thank u for submitting it!! i hope this is enjoyable for u :D
> 
> ok so i spent literally forever on this fic so. i hope it is Ok and people like it EJRJHSFJH
> 
> for the formatting imagine imessage is kkt and ig dms are twt dms bc. i had to make do with what i could find but i think it looks cool with the formatting there so hehe. you'll haveto use suspension of disbelief when i talk abt the fics being rly well written and good characterisation bc my writing is Not that good but obvoiusly the snippets of fics are still written by me so kjesfsh pls forgive me. also pls ignore how much free time they seem to have bc i know its unrealistic and theyd have like no time leading up to a comeback but yknow
> 
> thank you so much to e & e who both beta read this for me!! ur both the best thank u
> 
> this is anonymous n yet. i am almost certain everyone already knows who wrote this based purely off the tags n if not how i write is probably a dead giveaway too KDSEHKKH but i will pretend that no one can tell who i am
> 
> anyway im rambling here pls enjoy this long ass wild ride!!!

**i. minhyuk**

So, this wasn’t meant to happen. All Minhyuk had wanted to do was to see what the fans have been saying about him recently. It’s something he does often, look through fans’ tweets mentioning his name, but this time he’d come across someone’s tweet about their fanfic involving him.

It’s an accident, at first, when he clicks on the tweet. A simple slip of his thumb when he attempts (and fails) to catch his phone before it falls on his face. When he plucks it off his face following a groan of pain, aforementioned tweet about the fic is open. He knows he should click back, close out of the tweet and move on, but there’s something about it that intrigues him. So, Minhyuk decides to read it.

It’s not a long fic by any means. He finishes reading the entire thing in less than twenty minutes. Something about it, though, strikes something in Minhyuk. It was a simple story, one where Changkyun and Minhyuk meet in a coffee shop and hit it off and, if Minhyuk ignores the fact it was about himself and his friend, he could even say he found it quite cute. 

But, it was still about him and Changkyun. It settles a little weird in Minhyuk’s mind. Not in a bad way, because he has no issue with the fans writing about them and exploring their creativity, but more so in the fact that he’s never thought about Changkyun in anything but a platonic way before. Sure, he can admit Changkyun’s attractive (_very _attractive) and he always does cute things. And, well, there was that _one_ time where Changkyun was acting cute and Minhyuk really wanted to kiss him. So, he said it. On camera. Not that he was being serious, of course.

(…He was.)

But, really, Changkyun has never thought about Changkyun that way.

Now he’s read the fic, though, he finds himself craving more. Maybe it was just the setting that made him feel all funny inside. Coffee shop settings are rather sweet, after all.

So, Minhyuk clicks through to the author’s profile and sees they’ve published a whopping 25 fics. The dedication astounds Minhyuk and it makes him feel somewhat proud that their fans love them enough to dedicate so much time and energy into writing about them.

With the vast number of fics published by this author, Minhyuk has more than enough reading material. And, well, if he ever runs out (not that he’s planning to keep reading fics, of course. He’s just feeling curious tonight) there’s always hundreds of other authors to choose from.

Minhyuk rolls around in his bed to get into a more comfortable reading position. Holding his phone up in front of him was just giving him arm ache, so instead he settles on his side, his phone held a little too close to his face. With his perfect reading position found, Minhyuk clicks on the author’s next latest fic (the one he just read being their most recently posted one) and scans over the summary to see what he’s in for. It’s another fic about him and Changkyun and is rather short. It seems perfect for his little experiment of why the previous fic affected him.

It takes him no time to devour the fic, and then to reread it because it warmed his heart so much that he just had to read it all over again. It’s another rather simple fic, one where Minhyuk is sick and Changkyun takes care of him, but something about it is so accurate that Minhyuk finds himself wanting to get sick just so Changkyun will take care of him.

Wait, what?

Minhyuk locks his phone and rolls onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. He blinks slowly as he debates the thought that just went through his mind. This is reality, not fiction, and wishing sickness on himself because of said fiction is not healthy. He should know better than to confuse fiction and reality, so he quells the thought. It’s not like Changkyun would really do any of the things that the fictional version of Changkyun did, anyway. The fans might know them well, but there’s no way for them to perfectly get the members’ personalities down enough from the limited view they have of them. Minhyuk doesn’t even think he’d be able to get it perfectly right himself and he spends most of his days with the members.

But something about the fic was scarily accurate. The characterisation of him and Changkyun was almost spot on and Minhyuk has to give the fan who wrote it credit for knowing them so well. But still. It’s just fiction, not reality, and Minhyuk needs to remember that.

Minhyuk closes his eyes and tried to think about anything except what he’s just read. His mind won’t stop wandering back to it, though. He can’t stop thinking about Changkyun caring for him.

It takes a while for Minhyuk to finally fall asleep that night, but when he finally does he has a dream of Changkyun nursing him back to health after he falls ill.

* * *

Kihyun cooks everyone breakfast the next morning. Not completely unusual, but with the tour only having ended recently, it’s been a while since any of them have had time to sit down and eat together, let alone for Kihyun to find time to cook them a proper breakfast. So, when Minhyuk wakes up to the smell of food, he grins and trundles into the kitchen.

The other members are already sat around their table and idle chatter fills the room.

Minhyuk takes a seat next to Jooheon and greets his members. They all greet him back, as expected, and then Kihyun starts to hand out plates and bring the dishes to the table to allow everyone to start serving up their meals. Once Minhyuk’s plate is stacked appropriately high, he digs in. Their chatter ceases a little, but it’s still there. Everyone’s mostly commenting on the food and praising Kihyun for what a good job he’s done.

But Minhyuk? Minhyuk is distracted. As good as the food is, there’s something else on his mind – the fics he’d read the previous night. And with those on his mind, Minhyuk finds himself staring at Changkyun subconsciously. All he can think about is the way fictional Changkyun cared so much for fictional Minhyuk. The way he doted on him, giving him all of his attention, and everyone knows how much (both fictional and real) Minhyuk _love_ attention.

His mind just goes through thoughts and thoughts of Changkyun, and Changkyun’s attention, and wanting Changkyun to dote on him.

“Minhyuk-hyung, are you okay?”

Changkyun’s voice finally snaps Minhyuk out of the weird thought process he’d been stuck in. His face colours bright red and he nods before he averts his eyes away from Changkyun’s concerned gaze.

Minhyuk can’t believe he just did that. Changkyun’s his _friend_, for christ’s sake. He shouldn’t be thinking about things like this. All because of some fic written by a fan, as well.

Minhyuk stubbornly keeps his eyes down on his plate and shovels food into his mouth so he can’t involve himself with the conversation happening around him. It might be rude, but Minhyuk doesn’t feel up to talking right now. Luckily for him no one directs any questions or conversation at him so he’s free to sit there and wallow in his embarrassment all he wants.

When everyone finishes their food, Minhyuk offers to clean up much to Kihyun’s surprise. Everyone starts filing out of the room which leaves Minhyuk alone with the dirty dishes. He sighs as he starts to scrub the plates clean. He hates washing up. He only offered to do it so he had something to distract himself with (and maybe also to avoid Changkyun).

For once they have the day off and free from any schedules, but part of Minhyuk wishes they had something to do so he could get his mind off things, even if he is looking forward to getting some rest.

Minhyuk is scrubbing a plate clean and distractedly staring at the wall when a voice speaks behind him. “Hey.”

His heart jumps, as does his body, and the plate he was holding clatters to into the sink. Minhyuk whips around to find Changkyun standing behind him looking rather sheepish. “Sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Minhyuk’s heart takes a few more seconds to return to a normal speed. “It’s okay.” He turns back to the dishes and resumes his cleaning task. He wants to get it done as soon as possible so he can return to his room. “Did you need something?”

“I wanted to check on you. You seemed weird at breakfast.” Changkyun’s voice is a lot closer now. When Minhyuk turns his head he sees Changkyun standing to his right. He’s drying up the dishes that Minhyuk’s already cleaned and it makes Minhyuk smile.

“Just feeling a bit funny.” It’s not a lie, really, just not the entire truth.

A hand ruffles his hair. “Do you want to watch some conspiracy theory videos with me?”

“Of course.”

Well, avoiding Changkyun is going well so far.

* * *

With the dishes done, Changkyun and Minhyuk make their way back to their shared room. Changkyun sets up his laptop, but it’s a small screen so they have to squeeze together to both see it. Minhyuk is curled up at Changkyun’s side, Changkyun’s arm behind him as he plays with Minhyuk’s hair. It’s comfortable, something they do often, but Minhyuk’s heart is beating wildly in his chest this time.

It’s those damn fics. They’re getting to him.

“Is this okay?” Changkyun asks, as he always does. He’s always thinking of Minhyuk and making sure he’s comfortable.

Minhyuk’s heart clenches. He hums affirmatively. He doesn’t want to speak right now, doesn’t want to give away that he’s panicking more than he should be when they’re just doing what they always do.

If Changkyun notices Minhyuk’s inner turmoil, he doesn’t say anything about it. He simply presses the play button to start the video.

Minhyuk tries to focus on it, he really does, but all he can think about is the feeling of Changkyun’s hand running through his hair.

The presenter on the screen says something about Area 51, but before he gets to continue Changkyun is reaching out and pausing the video.

Minhyuk looks up at Changkyun’s face with his brows furrowed. “Why did you pause it?”

“Something’s wrong with you, I can tell. Do you want to talk about it?”

Minhyuk swallows. How did Changkyun even know? Well, he wasn’t exactly being subtle about it. But still, when did Changkyun get so observant?

Minhyuk turns the idea of telling Changkyun what’s really going on over and over him his mind. He knows Changkyun won’t judge him, he’s sure of it, but it’s still embarrassing to admit to. Especially since Changkyun is involved in Minhyuk’s turmoil right now (even if indirectly). Not that Minhyuk will tell him that, of course, if he decides to admit to what’s going on.

While Minhyuk debates what to do, Changkyun waits patiently and doesn’t say a word. He just lets Minhyuk thing and that’s what Minhyuk appreciates about him – that he doesn’t push him when Minhyuk needs time.

“Have you ever read fanfiction?” Minhyuk finally asks. He breaks eye contact with Changkyun and stares stubbornly up at the ceiling instead.

“Yes, why?”

Well, Minhyuk wasn’t expecting that answer, and now he doesn’t know how to continue. He hadn’t planned that far ahead in the conversation, expecting a no from Changkyun so he could end the conversation there.

Before Minhyuk is able to come up with an appropriate reply, Changkyun continues. “Let me guess. You read something and now you’re questioning yourself because whatever you read was about you and one of the members. Am I right?”

Minhyuk hates that he is, but nods anyway.

“So, who was it about?”

Before Minhyuk has a chance to overthink it, he whispers, “Us.”

There’s a moment where Changkyun doesn’t reply and Minhyuk starts to panic that he’s really fucked up, but then Changkyun moves and his face appears in front of Minhyuk’s own, a little too close, and he wiggles his eyebrows ridiculously as he says, “So, you looooove me now, hyung?”

He looks so utterly ridiculous that Minhyuk can’t help but burst into laughter. He shoves Changkyun away from him, the proximity far too close, and says, “No, I loved you already. You’re our maknae after all. Our big baby.” He plants a sloppy kiss on Changkyun’s cheek in typical Minhyuk fashion and then grins at Changkyun who’s looking a little redder than he did before. Minhyuk raises an eyebrow. “Maybe it’s you who loves me, huh?”

Changkyun smacks him over the head, but he’s laughing. “You wish.” He flops back down beside Minhyuk and throws an arm over his middle so he can cuddle up to him. “So,” he says.

“So?” Minhyuk echoes.

“Was it one of those smut fics?”

Minhyuk lets out an indignant squawk and his Changkyun, which only sends him bursting into laughter. “No, it wasn’t. Get your filthy mind out of the gutter.”

Changkyun just grins.

Minhyuk rolls his eyes but relaxes properly into Changkyun. He feels better now that he’s brought it up, even if it was mortifying to have to tell Changkyun about it. But, hey, at least he’s not the only one who’s been reading fics.

The thing is, he’s now been presented with a new issue. He desperately wants to know what fics Changkyun has been reading and so he decides to make it his personal mission to find out.

* * *

Changkyun had to go out – plans with Jooheon or something – so now Minhyuk is _abandoned_ and _lonely_. Which means, of course, that he’s bored. And when Minhyuk’s bored he scrolls through Twitter to see what the fans are saying.

Except, as he scrolls, his mind keeps going back to those fics again and again. He’s so, _so_ tempted to go back on that same account (Monbebe514 – not the most creative username, but who is he to judge?) and read more of their fics.

He knows he shouldn’t, though. It’s a terrible idea. He should forget all about the fics. Put them out of his mind and never think about them ever again.

That’s what he _should_ do, anyway, but Minhyuk’s never been one to follow the rules.

So, he goes into his internet history (he should probably delete it, but it comes in handy now) and clicks back on their account. He returns to his comfy reading position that he’d discovered the night before and scrolls down to the next latest fic in the list. He doesn’t bother to check what it’s even about, it’s fun to go in blind and have a surprise, after all, and opens up the fic and begins to read.

It starts off fairly normal, just Changkyun going about his day at university (which seems to be a popular trope among fans based off the tweets he’s seen through the years) until he returns home to his dorm.

> _“Hyungs, I’m home!” Changkyun calls._
> 
> _There’s no reply, but Changkyun knows where he’ll find his boyfriends, anyway._

Wait—boyfriends?

Minhyuk reads on, curious.

> _Changkyun takes his time taking his shoes and coat off. He doesn’t have to hurry – he knows they’ll be waiting for him anyway. He smirks when he hears an impatient yell of his name. He loves knowing how missed he was while he was in his classes, loves knowing how much his boyfriends love him._
> 
> _A skip in his step, Changkyun makes his way into his bedroom and is met with the exact sight he expected to see. Minhyuk and Kihyun are sitting in his bed, kissing lazily. Kihyun’s practically in Minhyuk’s lap, his arms wrapped around his neck. Kihyun lets out a sigh as he presses closer. He must have heard Changkyun come in the room and be doing it on purpose._
> 
> _Minhyuk runs his hands through Kihyun’s hair. He messes up the hair that Changkyun knows would have been perfectly styled when Kihyun arrived. Minhyuk loves to ruin Kihyun’s hair though. He always does it, and Kihyun always pretends to be mad about it, but they both know that secretly he doesn’t care._
> 
> _Changkyun smiles as he looks at his boyfriends. It’s the best possible sight he could’ve come home to._

Minhyuk swallows. He has no idea what he’s just stumbled upon, but he finds he doesn’t hate the idea of kissing Kihyun. Wait, no. He shouldn’t be having those thoughts. It was bad enough with just Changkyun, but now Kihyun too? Minhyuk really needs to get himself together. He shakes his head as if to knock any thoughts of kissing his best friend out of his mind and then he reads on.

> _“Are you just going to leave me out?” Changkyun asks, a teasing tone in his voice._
> 
> _Kihyun finally pulls away from Minhyuk and glares at Changkyun, but there’s no heat behind it. “Come here,” he says. It contradicts the look he was giving only seconds prior. Kihyun reaches a hand out towards Changkyun and Changkyun takes it. He allows Kihyun to pull him onto the bed with the two of them._
> 
> _Kihyun doesn’t move from Minhyuk’s lap, because of course he doesn’t. He always claims it’s his favourite place to sit, and Changkyun couldn’t even pretend to think it’s a joke. Kihyun is sitting in Minhyuk’s lap more often than not._
> 
> _Even though he refuses to move, Kihyun still pulls Changkyun towards him and slots their lips together._
> 
> _Changkyun sighs into Kihyun’s mouth in happiness and then shuffles even closer. He feels someone take his hand in their own and he knows it must be Minhyuk. Who else could it be, after all? He squeezes Minhyuk’s hand and he knows that he’s smiling, even if he can’t turn to look because he’s too focused on the feeling of Kihyun’s mouth against his own._

Minhyuk locks his phone and throws it to the end of his bed. He can’t keep reading this. He can’t read about two of his friends kissing one another after reading about kissing his own best friend. And he especially can’t keep reading when he’s enjoying it so much.

He shouldn’t be enjoying it at all.

Minhyuk groans and slacks his cheek. He needs to stop thinking about this. He knows it’s just fiction and it’s not actually about the real Minhyuk, Changkyun and Kihyun. He knows that. But somehow it still gets to him.

And he hates it. He hates himself for it.

These are his _friends_. He shouldn’t be reading about them and himself in situations like this.

He closes his eyes and forces himself to go to sleep, because if he sleeps then he can avoid the guilt from eating him alive.

* * *

Minhyuk still feels guilty when he wakes up the next morning, but he has no time to think about it before they’re all rushing off to dance practice.

It goes by quickly, as it usually does, and then Changkyun and Jooheon are heading off to the studio and Hoseok, Hyunwoo and Hyungwon are going out to eat, which leaves Minhyuk with Kihyun.

“Do you want to go home and order in some chicken?” Minhyuk asks. He doesn’t want chicken himself, but he knows that Kihyun most likely does. He always seems to be craving chicken.

And of course Minhyuk’s right, because Kihyun nods with a smile and agrees. They return to their dorm in a comfortable silence, both too exhausted from the hours upon hours of physical activity to make much conversation. Minhyuk finds he doesn’t mind it. He has the reputation for being the loud member, for always talking and making noise, which is true to an extent, but there’s times when even he enjoys sharing a moment of silence, and especially when it’s with his members.

When they get back, Minhyuk takes a seat on the sofa and waits for Kihyun to place their order over the phone. Kihyun didn’t ask what Minhyuk wanted, but it doesn’t matter, because Minhyuk knows that Kihyun knows him well enough to choose something he’ll like.

After Kihyun finishes ordering probably more chicken than two people can possibly consume, he lies down on the sofa and rests his head in Minhyuk’s lap.

“Play with my hair.”

Minhyuk rolls his eyes. “So demanding,” he says, but obliges anyway. He’d never turn down a request from Kihyun, and Kihyun knows that and uses it to his advantage. Kihyun’s hair feels soft beneath his fingers.

“I’ve just realised I’m going to have to move when the chicken gets here,” Kihyun complains.

“We can cuddle after.”

Minhyuk feels movement against his leg so he looks down to see that it’s Kihyun’s poor attempt at nodding while lying down with a hand in his hair. It makes Minhyuk laugh at how silly, yet adorable, Kihyun is. “You’re extra clingy today, you know.”

Kihyun hums.

They lapse back into silence. Minhyuk continues to stroke his hand through Kihyun’s soft, silky hair. Kihyun goes so still and so quiet that for a moment Minhyuk believes that he might have fallen asleep.

“Why have you been acting so weird with Changkyun lately?” Kihyun’s eyes are still closed as he speaks.

Minhyuk squints his eyes at him. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“Nope. Now don’t dodge my question.”

Minhyuk throws his head back and groans, his hand stilling in Kihyun’s hair. He didn’t think he was being different or weird around Changkyun at all, especially not after their talk the previous day, but the guilt from what he’d read last night still lingers, so it doesn’t completely surprise him to find out he has, in fact, been acting different around Changkyun. He’s more shocked, really, that Kihyun paid enough attention to him to notice.

At Minhyuk’s lack of a verbal reply, Kihyun rolls so the back of his head rests on Minhyuk’s thigh instead of his cheek and he’s able to look up at Minhyuk. He raises an eyebrow. “So? What happened?”

Minhyuk looks down at Kihyun blankly. “Nothing happened.”

It doesn’t convince him. But why would it? It’s an obvious lie.

They stare at one another, both being stubborn and waiting for the other to back down first. As much as Minhyuk wants to be strong and keep up with it, he knows that Kihyun is far more stubborn than he could ever be and won’t give in under any circumstances. So, Minhyuk sighs and does his best to ignore the grin that spreads over Kihyun’s face when he realises he just won their little staring competition.

“So, what is it?” Kihyun presses.

Minhyuk gives a half-hearted glare that has no impact because he’s started playing with Kihyun’s hair once again. “So, you know the fans write those fanfics? Well, I ended up reading some and I felt guilty about it because, um—” He cuts himself off, feeling awkward.

Kihyun narrows his eyes. “Do I want to know what you were about to say?”

“God, no, whatever weird thing you’re thinking it’s not that. I just felt guilty because I found them interesting and enjoyable, but that seems kinda weird because you and Changkyun are my friends and—”

Kihyun cuts him off this time. “Wait, me?”

Minhyuk averts his eyes. He can’t believe he just gave himself away so easily like that. He should’ve just mentioned Changkyun, not Kihyun. “Yeah. I read the ones where, uh, it’s us three. Together.”

Kihyun doesn’t reply, so Minhyuk brings his eyes back to Kihyun’s face to see his cheeks are coloured a pretty pink. When he spies Minhyuk looking at him, he rolls around again to bury his face in Minhyuk’s stomach.

“Aw, Kihyunnie, are you embarrassed?” Minhyuk teases, ruffling Kihyun’s hair at the back of his head.

Kihyun jabs him hard in the chest. “You’re the one talking about reading about me, you and Changkyun in a relationship. Shouldn’t you be embarrassed, not me?”

But Minhyuk doesn’t let himself be embarrassed this time. He has nothing to be ashamed of, not really. Changkyun reads them too, after all.

Kihyun eventually moves away from hiding his face and his cheeks have returned to their normal colour. “Why haven’t you been acting weird around me, then?”

This time Minhyuk flushes, all the way down to his neck. He feels hot all over and he swallows. “Because of that one time.”

Kihyun looks lost. “What?”

Minhyuk groans. He doesn’t want to say it. “You know, _that one time_.”

Kihyun tilts his head to the side, confusion written all over his face. Then, it must dawn on him what Minhyuk is referring to, because his face turns a rosy red, matching Minhyuk’s own.

They both look away from each other. It feels awkward not that Minhyuk’s brought up the forbidden subject of the predebut kiss they shared. He mentally slaps himself for ruining the atmosphere.

The doorbell rings and Kihyun jumps up immediately to go and answer it. Minhyuk doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or offended that he seemed to want to get away from Minhyuk as fast as humanly possible.

Kihyun comes back with their food and refuses to make eye contact with Minhyuk. He sits down on the sofa, leaving a considerably sized gap between the two of them, and stubbornly keeps his eyes focused on the wall in front of them.

It’s awkward. Really awkward. And Mihnyuk is regretting saying anything in the first place, which doesn’t really make sense considering Kihyun was the one who asked about him and Changkyun in the first place.

After they finish their chicken having not said a word to each other the entire time, Minhyuk sighs and turns to face Kihyun, only to find he’s staring right back at him.

“I’m sorry,” Kihyun says. He looks down and starts to fiddle with a loose thread on his trousers.

Minhyuk reaches over and takes Kihyun’s hand in his own to comfort him. “I’s forgotten, yeah? We won’t talk about it again.”

Kihyun looks like he wants to say something else, but doesn’t. instead, he sighs and shuffles closer so he can lean into Minhyuk’s side.

“You know, I’ve read some of those stupid fics, too,” Kihyun admits in a small voice.

“You have? Which ones?”

Kihyun looks up at Minhyuk with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Not telling.”

“Come on,” Minhyuk whines. Why does Kihyun always have to tease him this way? He tries again. “Who was the writer?”

“My favourite one. Not telling who, though.” Kihyun sticks his tongue out childishly.

Minhyuk narrows his eyes at Kihyun, who looks far too pleased with himself, and jabs a finger into Kihyun’s side.

Kihyun moves away, laughing, and Minhyuk jabs again.

“Tell me,” he whines and continues his prodding.

Kihyun just giggles and gets up from the sofa. He runs away from Minhyuk after taking a second to grin at him.

Minhyuk chases after him, determined to get the information out of him. He catches up to Kihyun quickly, his laughter that echoes around their dorm easily revealing Kihyun’s location to Minhyuk, and Minhyuk goes in for his attack. He tickles Kihyun’s sides with a smile and it draws even more giggles out of Kihyun, who ends up collapsing to the floor, overcome with laughter.

Minhyuk drops down with him. He sits on Kihyun’s legs to keep him in place and then continues with his tickle attack.

Kihyun can’t stop laughing. He lets out little pleads of, “Minhyuk, stop,” but still he keeps giggling. Minhyuk wonders how he still has any breath left with how much he’s laughing.

Minhyuk relents eventually and lets Kihyun rest. The both of them sit there panting from the exhaustion of laughing and running around after already expending most of their energy at dance practice. Minhyuk can’t help but think about how pretty Kihyun looks like this, smiling up at him as he tries to catch his breath.

At once, the mood shifts. Kihyun’s mouth opens slightly as he looks up at Minhyuk. He lifts his hand to Minhyuk’s waist and squeezes.

Minhyuk starts to lean down. He doesn’t know what compels him to do it, but he’s overcome with the need to be closer to Kihyun. Their lips are centimetres apart from each other. All Minhyuk has to do is move the tiniest bit and he’ll capture Kihyun in a kiss.

He’s about to move when the front door swings open.

Minhyuk jumps away. He lands on the hard floor next to Kihyun and lets out a little ‘oof’.

“Well, this is an interesting sight,” Hyungwon comments casually.

Minhyuk looks up at him, Hyunwoo and Hoseok sheepishly. “We had a tickle war.”

“A tickle war, right.” Hyungwon doesn’t sound convinced in the slightest, and with that he slips off his shoes and leaves the room.

Hyunwoo follows soon after which leaves Hoseok alone with Minhyuk and Kihyun who still refuse to look at one another.

“Whatever it was you were doing, you know we support you, right?” Hoseok says.

“We really were having a tickle war,” Kihyun replies. He’s still lying down on the floor, so he scrambles to sit up. He chooses to shuffle even further from Minhyuk in the process and Minhyuk really tries not to take it to heart.

Hoseok raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything else about it. Instead, he asks, “Did you have chicken? I can smell it.”

Kihyun takes that as an opportunity to escape from Minhyuk. He leaves the room chatting to Hoseok about said chicken and offering him their leftovers.

Minhyuk sits in the middle of the floor, defeated. Life really doesn’t seem to be going well for him at the moment, and it all started the moment he decided to read those stupid fics.

He decides he’s never going to read one again.

* * *

Kihyun has returned to normal the next day. He acts like nothing happened with Minhyuk and so Minhyuk decides to play along and do the same. It’s easier that way, anyway.

They’re on a break from dance practice. The seven of them are sitting around on the floor together in the practice room to get some much-needed rest. They’ve been at it for hours, practicing the choreography for their new title track, so a break is more than welcome. Minhyuk downs a bottle of water and runs a hand through his sweaty hair. The exhaustion sinks down deep into his bones. Every movement feels like a workout and he’s ready to go lie down in his bed for a while. Minhyuk loves his job, he really does, but it’s taxing and takes such a toll on his, and the other members’, mental and physical health. But still, he wouldn’t change it for the world. He loves what he does, even if it does get hard sometimes.

Minhyuk spots Kihyun sitting there idly and, being the person that he is, decides he’s going to go and bother him.

“Hey, Kihyun-ah,” he greets as he slides across the floor to Kihyun’s side.

Kihyun eyes Minhyuk suspiciously. “Hey.”

“I have a question.”

“Go on.”

Minhyuk grins really wide. “Who’s your favourite fanfic writer?”

The smack over the back of his head is well-deserved, but Minhyuk whines anyway about always being attacked when he’s innocent.

“Please tell me.” Minhyuk juts his bottom lip out and gives his best puppy dog eyes.

Kihyun gives him a withering look. “Will you ever let this go?”

“Nope.” He jabs Kihyun in the side. “Tell me.” Jab. “Please.” Jab. “I just wanna know.” Jab. “Kihyunnie.”

Kihyun grabs Minhyuk’s hands to stop the pokes and squeezes hard before letting go. Minhyuk pouts at the pain and then Kihyun is getting really close to him. He leans around so his mouth is right by Minhyuk’s ear and his hot breath tickles Minhyuk.

“My favourite writer is,” Kihyun begins, drawing it out, and Minhyuk feels a smile start to come over his face now that Kihyun’s finally going to tell him. He pauses for a long time, and then, “none of your damn business.”

Kihyun pulls away and gives Minhyuk a sickly-sweet smile which only serves to annoy him further. He scowls at Kihyun and debates how much trouble he’d get in with management if he were to throttle Kihyun right here and now.

“Why does Kihyun-hyung look like he just won the lottery?” comes Changkyun’s voice as he slides over next to the two of them, Jooheon following soon after.

“No reason,” Kihyun answers at the same time Minhyuk says, “Because he’s annoying.”

Kihyun smacks Minhyuk (again) and glares at him. “I am not annoying.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

Changkyun shoves his way between the two of them and gives them both an exasperated look. “You’re like children.”

Minhyuk sticks his tongue out at Changkyun in retaliation.

Changkyun rolls his eyes. “How are you even my hyung?” he mutters under his breath. Minhyuk doesn’t think he was actually supposed to hear it, so he chooses to ignore it.

“Why is Kihyun-hyung annoying?” Jooheon asks.

Ignoring Kihyun’s protest of “I’m not annoying!”, Minhyuk replies, “He won’t tell me who his favourite fanfic writer is.” Minhyuk pouts for added effect.

“Isn’t is Monbebe514 he likes?” Changkyun says.

This time, it’s Changkyun’s turn to receive a smack from Kihyun, but he just grins and takes it.

“I told you that in private,” Kihyun whines.

“You guys talk about fanfic in private?” Jooheon asks with an eyebrow raised as he looks between them.

Kihyun is quick to protest. “No. We only spoke about it one. And, for the record, Changkyun also reads their fics.”

Minhyuk raises a hand. “That’s the writer I was talking about.”

Changkyun starts laughing. “Have we all read their fics?”

“No, I haven’t,” Jooheon says a little too quickly. The pink of his cheeks also helps to give away his lie.

Three disbelieving looks thrown his way later, Jooheon relents. “Fine. I have too.”

“Did you read the ones about you?” Changkyun asks, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“No. Shut up.”

“Jooheonie, you read them, didn’t you?” Kihyun teases.

“No.”

“Come on,” Minhyuk tries, even though he wasn’t aware there were fics about Jooheon by the writer as he’d only seen the ones involving him, Changkyun and Kihyun so far. “You can tell us, Jooheon-ah.”

Jooheon groans and his whole body flops to the floor. “I hate all of you.”

“You love us,” Changkyun singsongs.

Jooheon lifts his head to glare at him. “You can’t talk. The three of you have read fics where you’re all dating. At least I haven’t told Hyungwon.”

It turns awkward between the three of them. It was easier when they didn’t actually acknowledge it to each other. Now that Jooheon’s brought it up, though, they can’t really avoid it anymore.

The tense atmosphere is cut by Hyunwoo announcing their break is over and they need to get back to work.

Through the rest of their dance practice Minhyuk subtly watches Changkyun and Kihyun in the mirror. They both look tense, much like he feels, but he also can’t help but think about how beautiful both of them are.

It hits him then, in the middle of dance practice, that somewhere along the time he’d fallen for two of his members. And when this realisation hits, he trips over his own foot in his distraction and ends up stumbling into Hyungwon.

He apologises for messing up and they start again from the top, but he can see all the concerned glances being thrown to him in the mirror.

Minhyuk ignores them. Then, he decides to ignore his feelings in the same way.

He’ll think about it later.

For now, he needs to focus on dancing. So, that’s what he does.

* * *

Minhyuk lies in the dark unable to sleep because of all the thoughts buzzing around his mind. Changkyun fell asleep nearly an hour ago and he lies quietly in the bed across from Minhyuk. Changkyun really does sleep like he’s dead. It’s quite concerning sometimes.

Minhyuk, though, is as wide awake as he could be. The realisation that he actually has feelings for Changkyun and Kihyun is keeping him up. At this point, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to sleep again.

Okay, so he’s a little dramatic, but realising that you have feelings for two of your friends, your members that you spend nearly all of your waking time with, is never an easy thing.

He wants to blame the fics. He wants to say they’re just clouding his judgement and making him think things that aren’t true, but deep down he knows that’s not the case.

If he looks back on it, the signs were always there. He’s liked them both for a really long time, but he just didn’t realise it until now. He’s always felt _differently_ about Changkyun and Kihyun to any of the other members, but he always rationalised it as being because Kihyun’s his best friend, so of course it’ll be different with him, and Changkyun’s their maknae. But, it turns out, that was just an excuse for him to push his feelings away and not think about them. After reading the fics, though, they brought these feelings up, made him actually think about it and realise the truth, but they didn’t change or affect his feelings in any way. He’s always had the feelings, they were just buried deep, deep down within him.

He wonders where to go from here. How does one deal with something like this? Liking not one, but two people that he absolutely shouldn’t have feelings for.

It doesn’t even matter, anyway, because he knows neither of them would like him back. They’re members, friends, not potential lovers.

He’ll get over it. Push it to the back of his mind and move on. That seems like the best thing to do.

“Hyung?” comes Changkyun’s voice. “Why are you awake?”

“Just thinking. Go back to sleep, Changkyunnie.”

Changkyun hums and then his breathing evens out again.

Minhyuk sighs. He screws his eyes shut tight and tries to think about anything except Changkyun and Kihyun, his feelings and those fics.

* * *

So, it turns out that ignoring his feelings has also left Minhyuk avoiding Changkyun and Kihyun. He’s sure they’ve noticed by now. He’s refused to be left alone in a room with either of them for _days_ and barely speaks to them unless necessary, but he feels too awkward around either of them following his realisation to even attempt to correct his behaviour.

Confronting your feelings _sucks_. Minhyuk is never doing this again.

They’re currently in the middle of another dance practice. It’s all they seem to be doing at the moment as they continue to prepare for their upcoming comeback. It’s still a way off, a month or so left until the album drops, but the pressure is already on to start perfecting their performance. They have to do bigger and better than before and continue to improve. They _have_ to.

As they dance, Minhyuk can see that Kihyun keeps glancing at him in the mirror. He can’t make out the expression on his face, but it seems like a mix between concern and annoyance which, really, wouldn’t surprise Minhyuk.

He ignores every single glance and pretends not to notice. He tries to act like everything is fine, even if it’s not.

Hyunwoo calls for a break and Minhyuk goes straight to his bag. He takes out his phone and unlocks it, beginning to scroll through fancafe and read letters from fans. This way, he can avoid talking to anyone.

Well, at least, that’s what he thought would happen.

As soon as he drops down in the corner of his room, his back to the others, he gets a text.

kihyun  
  
**kihyun:**why are you ignoring me  
  


Minhyuk turns around to find Kihyun staring at him, eyebrows raised. He gives a pointed nod to Minhyuk’s phone and Minhyuk groans.

**minhyuk:**im not  
**minhyuk:**what are u talking about  
**kihyun:**yes you are  
**kihyun:**and changkyun too  
**minhyuk:**im not i promise  
**minhyuk:**i have no reason to avoid u  
**kihyun:**then come over here and talk to us  
**minhyuk:**i cant  
**kihyun:**why not?  
**minhyuk:**i cant tell u  
**kihyun:**why are you being so stubborn  
**kihyun:**you're our friend  
**kihyun:**is it because of what jooheon said?  
**minhyuk:**no  
**minhyuk:**just dont ask i dont want to get into it  
**kihyun:**whatever you're running from you can't run forever  
**kihyun:**you need to talk to us at some point  
**kihyun:**changkyun misses you  
**minhyuk:**what about u  
**kihyun:**you don't need to ask and you know that  
**kihyun:**i don't know what's going on but please  
**kihyun:**don't avoid us  
**kihyun:**please minhyuk-ah  
**minhyuk:**im sorry  
  


“Okay, break’s over,” Hyunwoo calls which ends Minhyuk and Kihyun’s conversation immediately.

Practice resumes and for a while it goes smoothly, much like usual. Minhyuk’s distracted, though, with his feelings of guilt for avoiding his friends and wanting nothing more than to go and apologise to them. The guilt on his mind makes him lose focus while he dances. His ankle twists when he steps slightly wrong and he collapses to the floor with a yelp. Everyone pauses around him and rushes to his side. Questions are thrown at him from all angles asking if he’s okay, what happened, if he needs anything.

Minhyuk nods, choosing to address the first question. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.” He tries to stand, but his ankle burns and he falls back to the floor in agony.

Changkyun crouches down next to him. There’s worry etched across his face. “Can one of you go get an ice pack, please?” he asks to the members.

Hoseok nods and runs off to fulfil Changkyun’s request.

Changkyun shuffles closer to Minhyuk and then drops from a squat into being seated on the floor. He wraps a hand around Minhyuk’s bicep. “Are you okay?”

Minhyuk wants to nod again, wants to tell Changkyun that he’s fine, that he can handle it, but none of that is the truth. His ankle is throbbing and he’s scared he won’t even be able to walk on it. So, instead, he looks into Changkyun’s eyes and shakes his head.

Changkyun must see the tears that fall down Minhyuk’s face because he cups Minhyuk’s cheeks with his hands and wipes them away with his thumbs. “You’ll be okay, hyung.”

It sounds like a promise, so Minhyuk believes it.

* * *

With a lot of assistance from his members, Minhyuk makes it back to the dorm and into his bed. Everyone crowds around him, all squeezed into his and Changkyun’s tiny room, and as much as Minhyuk appreciates his members caring, there’s something more important Minhyuk is focused on – apologising to Changkyun and Kihyun for his behaviour.

“I love you guys, but really I’m okay. you can all go.”

Everyone, except Changkyun, of course, because this is his room, too, turns to leave.

“Kihyun-ah?” Minhyuk says in a small voice and aforementioned man pauses to look back at Minhyuk, his head tilted in confusion. “Can you stay? Please?”

Kihyun agrees, because of course he does, and Minhyuk ends up left alone in his room with Changkyun and Kihyun. The two men he has feelings for.

Well, he didn’t think this one through properly.

The two of them are hovering near Minhyuk’s bed, unsure what to do with themselves, so Minhyuk tuts and pats the bed right next to him. “We can all fit. Come on.”

And so they squeeze in. It’s a tight fit in Minhyuk’s single bed for three grown men, especially with the large number of whale plushies taking up a lot of the space, but somehow they make it work.

It does mean, though, that Minhyuk has Kihyun and Changkyun pressed up close either side of him.

He really, _really_ isn’t thinking things through today.

They lapse into silence. The three of them refuse to look at each other, all of their heads turned towards the ceiling.

Eventually, Minhyuk sighs. “I’m sorry I was avoiding you guys. It was dumb.”

“We were worried about you, hyung.” Changkyun speaks quietly, like he’s telling a secret that’s only for Minhyuk and Kihyun to hear. “What was going on?”

Minhyuk knew the question would come, but he’d still been hoping to avoid it somehow. “Just what Jooheon said. I felt awkward and weird and guilty. I don’t know.”

“We all read it, Minhyuk-ah. It’s just fiction, anyway.” Kihyun wraps an arm around Minhyuk’s middle and fits his head into the space between Minhyuk’s neck and shoulder.

Minhyuk can feel Kihyun’s hot breath on his neck from the position and whenever Kihyun blinks his eyelashes tickle Minhyuk’s neck because of how close he is. Minhyuk tries his best to stay very, very still, as if Kihyun’s an animal that he doesn’t want to scare away.

“You don’t need to feel weird around us,” Kihyun adds.

“Yeah, hyung, please don’t feel weird.” Changkyun holds onto Minhyuk’s arm, much like he did earlier. “We love you.”

“I love you both, too.”

And Minhyuk means it. He loves the two of them more than anything.

The three of them drift off to sleep together cramped into Minhyuk’s tiny bed, and Minhyuk sleeps better than he has done in days with two warm bodies pressed against his sides.


	2. Chapter 2

**ii. kihyun**

Waking up early this morning to find himself cuddling Minhyuk was not how Kihyun expected his morning to start. He also didn’t expect to find Changkyun in the bed, either. Somehow all the previous night’s events left his mind when he woke up and he’d spent a good few minutes panicking about it, before everything came back to him and he managed to calm down.

And being able to see Minhyuk and Changkyun slowly come to, and the smiles on their faces when they opened their eyes to see Kihyun looking at the both of them made all of his panic worth it.

Well, then it turned awkward when Minhyuk obviously registered the situation and went running out of the room leaving Changkyun and Kihyun in his bed alone. He resolutely avoided looking at either of them throughout breakfast.

Minhyuk was then sent to the hospital about his foot while the rest of them attended dance practice as usual. Luckily, it was only a very minor sprain and Minhyuk had been told it’d heal in only a few days. Kihyun had breathed a sigh of relief when Minhyuk had informed him, both from the relief that Minhyuk hadn’t suffered something more serious, but also because a bigger injury wouldn’t just affect Minhyuk, but the whole group with their comeback looming over them.

Kihyun had worried about Minhyuk all the way through dance practice, so as soon as they’d arrived back to the dorm he’d rushed into Minhyuk’s room to make sure he was fine. He was, of course.

After spending an hour or so with Minhyuk, Kihyun had returned to his room where he’s been relaxing for a while now. He hasn’t been doing a lot since he got back, just watching some Netflix and scrolling through his phone, but it’s been nice to have some time to himself and have a break from everything for a little while. As much as he enjoys his members’ company, sometimes having some alone time to binge watch some shows is needed.

A notification pops up on his secret Twitter account notifying him of a DM. A DM from Monbebe514, of course.

You see, Kihyun had somehow ended up offering to beta read fot them after he’d discovered their fics by accident one day. The curiosity of what the fans wrote about them had always been there, so he’d checked out a few stories and something about Monbebe514’s fics stuck out to him. They were surprisingly realistic, with almost perfect characterisation on top of good writing, and Kihyun found himself really enjoying them.

He followed the author on Twitter using his secret account he uses to keep up with what fans are saying, and one day he noticed they’d tweeted asking if anyone would be interested in beta reading for them. Kihyun jumped at the chance. Not only would he get to read their fics early, it also got him direct access to talk to the person that seemed to know them all eerily well.

Even though that had been a partial reason for Kihyun offering to beta read, they haven’t really spoken all that much aside from passing links to the fics back and forth and Kihyun giving comments about how much he’d enjoyed each of the fics he’d beta read. Even now, though, after beta reading for them for what must have been around a year, Kihyun is still curious about the person behind the username.

He’d never admit any of this to the members, of course, because he’s afraid it might make them uncomfortable to know. Even though it seems like the whole group is reading their fics at this point, there’s a difference between simply reading the fics and actively participating in their production. Kihyun is sure his members would be fine with it, but he doesn’t want to risk making any of them feel weird. So, he keeps it a secret, as he has done for the past year.

Kihyun opens up the message from the author. 

**Messages with **Monbebe514  
  
**Monbebe514: **hi i just finished this for whenever you’re up to beta read. probably filled with typos because I just wrote it in one sitting lol [link]

A standard message, really. Kihyun is too tired to properly check over it now, but he might as well read through it just to see what the fic is about before he gets around to properly editing it.

He clicks the link and it’s once again a Changkyun/Kihyun/Minhyuk fic. That’s the most common ship the author seems to write now, or some variation of that. At first he’d felt a little weird about reading that particular ship, but Kihyun had developed feelings for Minhyuk before they’d even debuted and his feelings for Changkyun followed not long after, so he quickly got over the weirdness of it and just appreciated reading about what he can never have.

Monbebe514 always leaves little notes at the top to let Kihyun know what the fic is about and this one says ‘canon compliant, hurt/comfort, fluff’ and even without reading a word of the actual fic Kihyun decides he loves it. The canon compliant ones always hold a special place in his heart because they’re so close to reality, so close to what Kihyun wishes he could have, that they’re always his favourite ones. Thankfully, Monbebe514 seems to really enjoy canon compliant fics, too, as they always seem to be writing them.

At times it can make Kihyun sad to read those particular fics, a reminder that they’re about what he can never have, but they’re always so cute and fun to read that it overrides the sadness. Kihyun might have to live vicariously through fics written by fans, but hey, if it helps him deal with his feelings for Changkyun and Minhyuk he can’t fault it.

Kihyun begins to read, his eyes scanning quickly over the words, and the further he gets in, the more weirded out he starts to feel. Usually the fics he reads are close to reality, it’s one of the things that drew him to Monbebe514 in particular, after all, but this one’s just a little bit _too_ realistic.

> _Changkyun is watching himself in the mirror, making sure he has the dance moves perfected, when out of the corner of his eye he sees Minhyuk’s reflection drop to the floor. Before he can even think about it, he’s no longer dancing but crouching at Minhyuk’s side, the rest of the members following not long after. They stand around Minhyuk, worry etched on all of their faces. Changkyun knows he has the exact same look on his face. _
> 
> _“Are you okay?” someone asks. Changkyun doesn’t register who it is. He’s too busy looking at Minhyuk’s face for any sign of pain. _
> 
> _“I’m fine,” Minhyuk replies as he attempts to stand, but he ends up falling back to the floor clutching his ankle. Changkyun can see the tears in his eyes and his heart lurches. _
> 
> _“Hyung, can you go get an ice pack, please?” Changkyun asks Hoseok who scurries off with a nod._

Kihyun stops reading. That’s more than enough for him to know this isn’t fiction anymore. This fic details exactly what happened in their dance practice the previous day, with only some minor details changed.

He’s noticed it before, just little things in Monbebe514’s fics that threw him off. Mentions of things he thought Monbebe didn’t know, scenes that were eerily similar to things that had actually taken place, but he ignored it all. He told himself it was all one big coincidence whenever he’d spot something like that, unwilling to think about what the other possibility could be.

But Kihyun can’t lie to himself like that anymore.

He realises, with a lump in his throat, that Monbebe514 has to be one of the members.

* * *

Kihyun can’t stop thinking about it. All this time and someone’s been writing fics about all of them right under their noses, and not a single one of the members realised. At least, Kihyun didn’t realise. If one of the others did they’d never brought it up.

Kihyun wonders who it could possibly be.

Changkyun or Minhyuk, maybe? They both heavily feature in the fics, with them often being written from the point of view of one of them or Kihyun. But that wouldn’t make sense. Why would either of them write so often about dating the other and Kihyun? That would only make sense if they, for some reason, shared the feelings Kihyun does but—no. Kihyun knows that’s not the case. He just knows.

There are a few fics about Hyungwon and Jooheon, so maybe it’s one of those two? Hyungwon always did like writing, and Jooheon seemed rather embarrassed to admit he’d been reading the fics when they spoke about it before.

Hyunwoo and Hoseok are possibilities, too. All of the members are aware of their relationship, even if they try and keep it on the down low. Although Monbebe514 has very few fics exclusively focusing on the two of them, they feature in almost every other fic that’s been published as a side pairing.

Kihyun groans and flops back on his bed. He really needs to get up – they have another day of dance practice ahead of them – and not be thinking about Monbebe514’s true identity.

Kihyun drags himself out of his bed and stumbles into the living room where he finds Minhyuk sitting on the sofa watching some TV.

“Oh, morning, Kihyunnie,” he greets.

“Good morning.” Kihyun drops onto the sofa next to Minhyuk and yawns. “I’m so tired.”

Minhyuk hums in agreement.

There’s still some time before Kihyun has to go and wake up the other members (he likes to make sure they all get as much sleep as possible) so he pulls out his phone to take a look through while he waits. When he unlocks it, he finds that he still has the page for Monbebe514’s latest fic open. An idea springs to mind. 

**Messages with **Monbebe514  
  
**kihyun: **i read through it last night and it seemed good as always  
  
**kihyun: **got a busy day ahead but i’ll get it edited and back to you asap

With the messages sent, Kihyun watches Minhyuk from the corner of his eye.

Minhyuk doesn’t touch his phone once – Kihyun isn’t sure it’s even in the room with them – but Monbebe514 replies almost instantly. 

**Messages with **Monbebe514  
  
**Monbebe514: **no problem, dude  
  
**Monbebe514: **take all the time you need

And with that, Minhyuk is ruled out as the culprit. So, Kihyun leans over and whispers into Minhyuk’s ear, “Come with me to my room. I have to tell you something.”

Minhyuk looks perplexed, but he nods and stands. The two make their way to Kihyun’s room, with Minhyuk limping his way there due to his injured ankle. Once they arrive, they take a seat on Kihyun’s bed next to one another.

“What did you need to tell me?”

Now that they’re here, Kihyun feels nervous. He didn’t prepare what to actually say to Minhyuk in his spontaneity. He gulps, then says, “You can’t judge me, okay?”

Minhyuk puts a comforting hand on Kihyun’s knee and squeezes. “I’d never judge you.” He speaks softly, sincerely, and it tugs on Kihyun’s heartstrings.

Kihyun really does trust Minhyuk with everything.

“I beta read for Monbebe514,” he admits quietly. He keeps his gaze focused on Minhyuk’s fingers which tap a silent rhythm against the exposed skin of his thigh.

“What does that mean?” Minhyuk asks.

Of course, Kihyun had forgotten that Minhyuk told him he only found the fics recently, so he probably isn’t aware of all the specific terms relating to fanfiction just yet. “Basically I read over the fics before they’re posted and check for mistakes. It’s dumb, I know, but something compelled me to do it.”

“I don’t think it’s dumb. I’d love the chance to read their fics early.” Minhyuk chuckles, then pauses. “Why are you telling me this?”

Instead of trying to explain it to Minhyuk, Kihyun takes out his phone and reopens the link to Monbebe514’s latest fic. “This is what they sent me last night.”

Minhyuk takes the phone with a confused look and Kihyun waits while he reads.

After a few minutes, Minhyuk puts the phone down and stares down at the floor. “This is exactly what happened to me the other day.” His voice sounds strangely hollow, void of his usual emotion. Minhyuk turns his head to make eye contact with Kihyun. “What does this mean?”

“I think one of the members is Monbebe514.”

A long silence falls over them as Minhyuk takes in Kihyun’s words. Kihyun doesn’t add anything else, just allows Minhyuk time to think it over.

“Who do you think it is?” he finally asks.

“I don’t know,” Kihyun says. “It could be anyone. I only know it’s not you because I messaged them earlier and they replied when you were next to me and not on your phone.”

Minhyuk hums. “Do you think it could be Changkyun? If It’s neither of us and most of the fics are about us three then he’d be the next most likely.”

Kihyun contemplates it. Although he’d considered it himself already, he still can’t wrap his head around why Changkyun would be writing about dating Kihyun and Minhyuk. Kihyun voices this to Minhyuk, who replies, “I don’t know why he’d do it. Maybe he likes us.” It’s said in a joking tone, but Kihyun can’t help but feel his heart pick up speed in the hope that maybe, just maybe, his feelings might be returned.

But then, he quells that thought as quickly as it had popped into his mind. There’s no point having hope now, not after all these years of dealing with unrequited feelings. Now is not the time for Kihyun to allow himself to have false hope, and especially not because of some dumb fanfics.

Something about Minhyuk’s tone, though, was strange to Kihyun. Even though he’d very clearly been joking, it sounded a little strained. So, without much thought towards what he’s about to say, Kihyun asks, “Do you wish it was Changkyun?”

Minhyuk goes completely silent at that, his eyes wide.

Kihyun feels the regret immediately. He tries to say something, to retract his question, but before he’s able to get a word out Minhyuk is speaking.

“What if I did?” He speaks barely above a whisper, as if he’s telling a huge secret. Which, Kihyun realises, is exactly what he’s doing. He’s admitting to wanting Changkyun to write romantic fiction about himself, Minhyuk and Kihyun.

“What do you mean by that?” Kihyun needs to know. He needs to. if there’s a chance that Minhyuk likes Changkyun, then there’s a chance that he likes Kihyun, too. He knows he shouldn’t jump to those conclusions, it’s only a silly statement, but after years of nothing from either Minhyuk or Changkyun explicitly hinting towards them having feelings for Kihyun, years of being convinced that his feelings will never be returned, Kihyun wants to hold onto it. He continually tells himself not to have false hope, but in this instance he can’t help it.

He just likes Minhyuk so _much_ that he can’t stop himself from holding onto that little bit of hope that maybe Minhyuk might feel the same. That Kihyun won’t have to deal with hiding his feelings any longer. He wants to tell Minhyuk how much he loves him, wants to show him how much he loves him through his affection without worrying that he’s taking it too far.

The hope is killed pretty much immediately after it appears.

“I’m just joking. I doubt it’d be Changkyun, anyway, he doesn’t seem like the type. And, really, if it was him it’d probably be some huge elaborate prank.” Minhyuk laughs, but it comes out a little strange.

Kihyun puts it down to the awkwardness he’s caused between them.

Minhyuk takes out his phone and looks at it for a brief moment. “Oh, we should go wake everyone up and start getting ready.”

And with that, Minhyuk hurries out of the room, his limp still obvious.

Kihyun tries not to think about the fact that Minhyuk doesn’t need to get ready for dance practice because he can’t dance with his injury, anyway.

* * *

The entire day is awkward. Minhyuk comes to dance practice with them, but he doesn’t speak to Kihyun once. He doesn’t even look at him. It’s similar to how he was acting before, but this time he’s sticking to Changkyun’s side, rather than ignoring the both of them.

Kihyun is annoyed. More so at himself for asking Minhyuk questions that he shouldn’t ask and making Minhyuk feel awkward than at Minhyuk for ignoring him (although that does frustrate him a bit). He’d just really wanted to know if there was any chance of Minhyuk sharing his feelings, but now he realises the way he’d gone about asking had been a mistake.

They’ve been back at the dorms for a little while. Kihyun has been sitting in the living room waiting for Minhyuk to exit his room so Kihyun can catch him and talk to him, but Minhyuk still hasn’t so far.

So, Kihyun decides that he’s been waiting around for long enough and he’ll just have to go into Minhyuk’s room himself. He stands from the sofa and walks up to Minhyuk’s door with confidence, but then hesitates. What if Minhyuk really doesn’t want to see him? He’s probably busy doing other stuff and that’s why he hasn’t left his room for so long.

Kihyun stands outside Minhyuk’s door for a while as he internally debates whether to knock or not. Then, his phone pings and interrupts his thinking.

minhyuk  
  
**minhyuk: **come in  
  
**minhyuk: **i know ur outside

Kihyun sighs and opens the door. He shuffles into the room with his head hung in embarrassment. When he finally looks up at Minhyuk lying in bed, he’s smiling at him.

“Come here,” Minhyuk says with his arms outstretched.

Kihyun gives a small nod and then climbs into the bed and into Minhyuk’s arms. He gives and content sigh and Minhyuk giggles slightly.

“What’s wrong, Kihyun-ah?”

Kihyun shrugs as best he can in Minhyuk’s arms. “I thought I upset you.”

“You didn’t. I’m just dumb.”

“I can’t deny that.”

The smack Kihyun gets over his head for that comment is much deserved.

They both laugh, but then Kihyun is back to sighing and feeling worries. “Are you sure I didn’t? You’ve been avoiding me all day.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Minhyuk says. He begins to rub small circles into Kihyun’s arm with his thumb. “I didn’t even realise I did it. I have been thinking, though.”

“About?” Kihyun prompts.

“Who might be writing it.”

Kihyun bends his neck back so he can look up at Minhyuk’s face. “Who do you think it is?”

“I don’t think it’s Changkyun. That’s why I’ve been with him all day. I was trying to figure out if I could get anything out of him and it doesn’t seem like it’s him.”

“How so?”

“He doesn’t react if I joke about a member writing fanfiction,” Minhyuk elaborates. “Either he’s somehow that calm and collected which we both know he tries to be but fails at when it comes down to it, or it’s not him. If it was me writing fics and someone kept hinting about it I’d eventually break, but he didn’t, not once. He just laughed it off and even joined in making jokes about the types of fics each of us would write, including himself.”

And it makes sense, what Minhyuk’s saying, so Kihyun sighs. “I didn’t think it was him either. Not really.” Although he’d had hope and even suspicions it was Changkyun, Kihyun doesn’t want to mention that to Minhyuk, because if he admits he has feelings for Changkyun he’ll have to admit his feelings for Minhyuk, too, and he isn’t ready to do that. He isn’t sure if he’ll ever be ready.

Kihyun feels dumb now, too, for convincing himself that Minhyuk was purposefully avoiding him and not even taking the time to consider any other possibilities about why Minhyuk might have been spending so much time with Changkyun.

Minhyuk pokes Kihyun’s cheek and it brings Kihyun out of his spiralling thoughts. “My bets are on Hyungwon,” Minhyuk says.

Kihyun hums. He’s not really sure who it could be, now, and he’s too exhausted to sit here and debate about who it might be and why. “Can we just cuddle and stop talking about it for now?” Kihyun asks.

Minhyuk hums and hugs Kihyun closer. He puts his hand in Kihyun’s hair and begins to play with the strands. It comforts Kihyun and he feels himself start to doze off.

He feels safe in Minhyuk’s arms, like nothing could ever hurt him.

Then, the door flies open and it startles Kihyun awake. He lifts his head to look over to the door, eyes wide, and sees Changkyun standing there smirking. “Am I interrupting something?”

Kihyun groans. “Just my sleep.”

Changkyun grins and it shows no sign of sympathy. “Oops.”

Yeah, he’s definitely not sorry.

“You’re free to join, if you want,” Minhyuk offers.

Kihyun realises that Changkyun hasn’t moved from the door, not even to go to his bed, and he silently wonders if he’d been hoping one of them would offer.

“Well, I can’t say no to that, can I?” Changkyun finally shuts the door behind him. Then, he ungracefully and without care for where his limps are going and what body parts he might be crushing climbs on top of Kihyun, wrapping his arms around both Kihyun and Minhyuk and then sighs in content. “Comfy.”

Kihyun would agree, but he’s kind of being crushed by Changkyun’s weight. He doesn’t know how he ended up in a Changkyun-Minhyuk sandwich, but it’s not doing wonders for his heart which loves the both of them. Or his breathing, actually, because his ribcage is being crushed. “Changkyun-ah, I can’t breathe.”

“Don’t care. You’re comfy,” Changkyun speaks into his chest.

Minhyuk starts giggling and it jostles Kihyun around, which in turn causes Changkyun to almost fall off of Kihyun. He doesn’t, though, because Kihyun wraps his arms around Changkyun’s waist to stop it.

Changkyun lifts his head from Kihyun’s chest to look up at him through his eyelashes. He gives a shy smile, his chin resting in the middle of Kihyun’s chest, and then smiles at Minhyuk over Kihyun’s shoulder, too. “This is nice.”

“Mhm,” Minhyuk agrees. “I love being with my two favourite people.”

‘Your favourites, huh? What would Jooheon think about that?”

Changkyun and Minhyuk keep talking and making jokes, but Kihyun’s mind is too preoccupied with thinking about the way Changkyun smiled at him to join in, and how Minhyuk called the two of them his favourites. His feelings might not be returned, but lying here now, with the two men he loves, Kihyun feels that love back. It might not be in the way he wants it to be, but he knows he’s loved and it makes him feel warm inside.

Well, that could also be because he’s really struggling to breathe at this point, but details, right?

* * *

A few days pass and it hits Kihyun that he never got around to editing Monbebe514’s latest fic for them. He hopes they won’t mind too much. He told them he’s busy, anyway and he’s also convinced it’s a member and he knows his members and knows none of them would be mad at someone for being busy.

But still, he should probably edit it now since it’s been so long. He has some free time as the other members had gone out to eat. They were all craving seafood, though, so Kihyun decided to sit it out and stay home so they could get the food they wanted. He doesn’t mind missing out on occasional meals for his members’ sakes, anyway. He cooked himself something a little earlier and now he’s just relaxing in bed.

It’s weird being in the dorm alone. He’s so used to there being constant noise of the other members that the silence is unsettling. He pops in his headphones and puts on one of those study playlists (he doesn’t want anything too distracting on) and then gets to work with editing the fic.

It doesn’t take too long, thankfully. Whichever member is behind Monbebe514 writes really well so Kihyun only ever has to make super minor edits, usually just typos and the like.

He remembers then as he opens up the DMs with the writer that he’s never had a proper conversation with them beyond exchanging the unedited and then edited versions of fics. He told himself to give up trying to find out who it is, especially after he and Minhyuk came to the conclusion that it most likely isn’t Changkyun, but he’s been given a really good opportunity to try and gather some information out of them. Even though Kihyun feels less inclined to try and figure out who it is now that Changkyun’s been crossed off as a possibility, it’s just too good of an opportunity to waste. He has a chance to speak to them directly, without them knowing he’s also a member, and maybe he can subtly try and get some information out of them by asking the right questions.

Minhyuk also wants to know who it is behind the username, and that helps motivated Kihyun even further.

So, he texts Minhyuk first to inform him of his plan.

minhyuk  
  
**kihyun: **keep watch out  
  
**kihyun: **i'm gonna dm the writer  
  
**kihyun: **try figure out who it is  
  
**kihyun: **let me know if anyone is on their phone a lot  
  
**minhyuk: **i'll keep watch but weve all been using our phones quite a lot  
  
**minhyuk: **i'll keep an eye on hyungwon  
  
**minhyuk: **i think hes most likely  
  
**kihyun: **thanks minhyuk-ah  
  
**minhyuk: **anytime

And with that sorted, he sends a DM to Monbebe514. 

**Messages with **Monbebe514  
  
**kihyun: **hey i got your fic all done and edited [link]  
  
**kihyun: **sorry it took a while been busy recently  
  
**Monbebe514: **no worries dude thanks for editing as always  
  
**kihyun: **i realised we've never spoken properly before even though i've been beta reading for you for like a year  
  
**kihyun: **i wanted to ask some questions about your writing process  
  
**kihyun: **if that’s ok of course  
  
**Monbebe514: **yeah go ahead! replies might be slow i’m out with some friends  
  
**kihyun: **honestly i was kinda curious about you too but i know you wanna stay anonymous so i won’t ask because i get it  
  
**kihyun: **anyway  
  
**kihyun: **how did you start writing?  
  
**Monbebe514: **idk rly i was bored one day and was like lets write some gay shit  
  
**Monbebe514: **and here i am  
  
**Monbebe514: **still writing That Gay Shit™   
  
**kihyun: **well its some very well-loved gay shit  
  
**kihyun: **so i applaud you and your boredom  
  
**Monbebe514: **aw thanks i take pride in my gay shit tbh  
  
**kihyun: **who’s your bias? i know you write about all the members but i just wondered who your favourite is  
  
**Monbebe514: **i can’t pick a favourite  
  
**Monbebe514: **i love them all  
  
**kihyun: **damn well i’d go for kihyun he’s a pretty cool dude  
  
**Monbebe514: **he’s a loser but a cute one i’ll give him that  
  
**Monbebe514: **bet he gives good cuddles

Kihyun squints his eyes at his screen in thought. Who would say something like that about him out of all the members? It almost seems like a Minhyuk thing to say, but he knows for sure it’s not Minhyuk.

**kihyun: **i’m sure he does  
  
**kihyun: **how’d you come up with the idea for your latest fic? i heard minhyuk actually got injured recently in dance practice  
  
**kihyun: **are you secretly a member who’s writing fics hmmmm  
  
**Monbebe514: **imagine if one of the members had time to write fics in their busy schedule  
  
**Monbebe514: **bet it would be hyungwon  
  
**Monbebe514: **or kihyun he seems like the type to write fics

Kihyun wishes he could reply to that denying it, but they don’t know that they’re talking to Kihyun and he can’t risk outing himself like that. There’s still always the chance that he’s been wrong this whole time and they really are a fan, even if he doubts it. And, regardless, even if he isn’t writing fics he is beta reading them, so he really can’t deny it. Not completely, anyway.

**kihyun: **are you trying to tell me you’re hyungwon or kihyun?  
  
**Monbebe514: **i wish but no  
  
**Monbebe514: **just a boring dude who likes writing

Kihyun realises belatedly that Monbebe514 dodged the question about whether they’re secretly a member.

**kihyun: **this was an interesting talk  
  
**kihyun: **i’m glad i got to know you a bit better  
  
**kihyun: **i gotta go though so goodnight  
  
**Monbebe514: **goodnight favourite beta reader i hope we speak again soon

Kihyun switches back to his chat with Minhyuk.

minhyuk  
  
**kihyun: **was hyungwon on his phone a lot?  
  
**minhyuk: **yeah  
  
**minhyuk: **but so was everyone  
  
**minhyuk: **i cant really tell whether anyone was dming u  
  
**minhyuk: **sorry kihyun-ah  
  
**kihyun: **don't worry  
  
**kihyun: **i still got some interesting info  
  
**kihyun: **they said they're not a member of course  
  
**kihyun: **but also said if any of the members wrote fics it'd be hyungwon or me  
  
**kihyun: **and it's obviously not me  
  
**kihyun: **so bets are on hyungwon right now  
  
**minhyuk: **i mean you do beta read fics even if u dont write them  
  
**minhyuk: **wait  
  
**minhyuk: **do u write them?  
  
**kihyun: **no  
  
**kihyun: **and i'd tell you if i did  
  
**minhyuk: **mhm  
  
**minhyuk: **well its looking like its hyungwon then  
  
**minhyuk: **we'll investigate more soon  
  
**minhyuk: **was good working with u, yoo  
  
**kihyun: **we're not detectives  
  
**minhyuk: **but we could be  
  
**minhyuk: **do u think i could ask hyungwon to write a fic about us as detectives  
  
**kihyun: **goodnight minhyuk-ah  
  
**minhyuk: **is that a no?  
  
**kihyun: **i said goodnight  
  
**minhyuk: **:/  
  
**minhyuk: **goodnight then

Kihyun, exhausted from the past few days, does decide to just go to sleep. It’s still early, not yet an acceptable time to go to bed, but if he can manage even a little bit more sleep than usual then he’s going to take it.

That night, he dreams of him and Minhyuk working as detectives. (Thanks, Minhyuk.)

* * *

“Minhyuk-ah, I didn’t ask you to come with me just for you to sit there on your phone,” Kihyun complains.

“It’s research.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. He’d been asked to come in to record some extra vocals and, being the nice (and extremely whipped) person he is, he invited Minhyuk along to give him something to occupy his time with other than sitting around at home because he can’t attend dance practice due to his injury. What Kihyun didn’t expect is for Minhyuk to ignore any questions Kihyun asked him related to his vocals (you know, the reason he’d invited Minhyuk here in the first place, for his help) in favour of reading all of Monbebe514’s fics.

Kihyun’s currently taking a break from recording and waiting for the producer to return from grabbing himself some lunch. It’s a bit of a boring break, though, because his phone is almost dead and Minhyuk is far more interested in his so-called research than actually conversing with Kihyun.

“How can this possibly count as research? You just want to read the fics. Admit it.” Kihyun knows trying to rile Kihyun up right now ptobably isn’t the smartest move, but he’s bored and Minhyuk purposefully gets on his nerves often enough that he doesn’t feel so guilty about doing it back.

Minhyuk only graces him with a quick glance up from his phone before his attention is back on the words on his screen. “I’m looking for hints as to who they are.”

“How are you going to get hints out of that?” Kihyun groans loudly and throws his head back to look at the ceiling, but it doesn’t provide any more interest than watching Minhyuk on his phone, so he looks back down again before speaking. “You know I’ve read all of the fics, anyway, and I didn’t see any hints.”

“But you read them before we knew they were a member,” Minhyuk points out and Kihyun hates to admit he’s right. “When you have more knowledge you can sometimes spot things you missed the first time over.” Not once while he speaks does Minhyuk look up from his screen. Kihyun wonders if he’s somehow got the talent to read while speaking about a completely different topic or if he just doesn’t want to look at Kihyun.

It sucks that Minhyuk’s logic actually makes sense. Kihyun doesn’t want him to have a reason to keep reading the fics because, as much as he would deny it if ever asked, Kihyun wants Minhyuk’s attention to be fully on him, not some dumb words on a screen. So, he keeps pressing Minhyuk’s buttons.

“Are you sure it’s not just because you want to read the fics?”

“They’re interesting, yeah, but I just wanna know who’s writing them. Nothing else.” The annoyance is creeping into Minhyuk’s tone now.

Kihyun knows he needs to stop before Minhyuk gets really pissed off with him, so he groans and sinks further into the cushions of the sofa. It’s not a big sofa by any means, so his and Minhyuk’s sides are pressed together. Every little movement Minhyuk makes Kihyun feels against him. It bothers Kihyun so much that Minhyuk is right there next to him, they’re literally touching, and still Minhyuk is barely acknowledging his existence.

Kihyun curses whichever member it is writing the fics for managing to capture Minhyuk’s attention more than he ever could.

Kihyun looks back up at the ceiling, sick of looking at Minhyuk, hoping for his attention but getting nothing, and stares at it. It’s just a plain, boring white ceiling and so it doesn’t keep his attention for a very long time. He lifts his head and turns to look at the door. “I wonder if he’s ever coming back.”

Minhyuk grunts like he’s listening to Kihyun, but Kihyun knows better. He knows his words are falling on deaf ears.

He scoffs. “You’re so obsessed.”

That finally gets Minhyuk’s attention. He locks his phone and turns to look directly as Kihyun. There’s fire in his eyes and Kihyun knows he’s in for it. He should’ve just shut up and stayed quiet, but it’s too late for that now.

Much to his surprise, instead of blowing up at him, Minhyuk instead smirks and says, “Fic Kihyun would never treat me like this.”

“Oh yeah? What would fic Kihyun do that’s so different, then?”

Minhyuk inches closer slightly, that damn smirk only growing larger. “He wouldn’t try winding me up for attention.”

And that pisses Kihyun off more than it probably should, and it’s only because Minhyuk knows him so well. He hates that Minhyuk can see right through him. It angers him that he’s so transparent around his best friend. Kihyun gets up in Minhyuk’s face and raises an eyebrow. “Why would I want your attention so bad?” he sneers.

Minhyuk just starts laughing.

Then, at the same time, both of their faces fall as they realise their proximity to each other.

Kihyun gulps. Minhyuk’s only centimetres away from his face and it’s not even for the first time in the recent past. Kihyun has to wonder how the two of them always end up in his situation.

He thinks he sees Minhyuk’s eyes flicker down to his lips and then back up to his eyes, but he can’t be sure.

What he is sure about is that his reaction to that is to lick his lips which Minhyuk _definitely_ notices.

The inch closer and closer. Kihyun can feel Minhyuk’s breath on his face. “Is this what fic Kihyun would do?” he asks, breathless.

“I don’t care what he’d do.”

Kihyun’s about to do it, he’s about to finally kiss Minhyuk for the first time since their predebut days. He’s been thinking about it since their almost-kiss the other day after Minhyuk had been tickling him. It’s finally about to happen, after all this time, Kihyun’s finally about to kiss the man he loves.

The door flies open and bangs against the wall.

They both jump back and Kihyun’s head knocks against the wall. He groans from the pain.

“Not again,” he hears Minhyuk mutter.

Then, Kihyun looks over and realises it’s Changkyun standing in the doorway. The last person Kihyun would’ve wanted to see in a situation like this.

“…Did I interrupt something?”

Kihyun resolutely avoids looking at Minhyuk and shakes his head. He prays Minhyuk does the same.

They all fall into the most awkward silence Kihyun thinks he’s ever experienced. It’s somehow even more awkward than their last almost-kiss, and that’s saying something. The silence is suffocating.

Changkyun breaks it with a cough. Kihyun turns his attention back to the younger. “Okay, so this is awkward as hell.”

It eases the atmosphere slightly, and Kihyun even manages a small laugh, but the tension still lingers.

For a while, they all stay quiet. Kihyun refuses to look at Minhyuk but sees out of the corner of his eye that Minhyuk is staring down at his hands. Changkyun is just looking between the two of them thoughtfully.

Then, “If you’re going to be weird just because you almost kissed then I’m going to do this.”

Kihyun barely has time to register Changkyun’s words before the man is right in front of his face. There’s a subtle hint of nervousness there, that much Kihyun can tell, but before he can even open his mouth to speak, to ask what Changkyun meant, a kiss is planted on his lips.

And then seconds later the same happens to Minhyuk.

“Now, can you both get over it?”

With that, Changkyun is gone from the room.

“Did he just—”

“Kiss us?” Minhyuk finishes.

They stare at one another for a few seconds before the laughter hits. It’s such a ridiculous and so Changkyun-like way to diffuse the tension in the room that they can’t help but see the humour in it.

It’s only later that night when Kihyun’s lying in his bed trying to get some sleep that the reality of the situation hits him. He’d almost kissed one of the men he has feelings for, and the other actually _had_ ended up kissing him. He feels butterflies in his stomach as he remembers how soft Changkyun’s lips felt against his own, even though it had barely lasted a second. He can’t believe it actually happened, any of it. It all just feels like some strange fever dream.

Kihyun has to wonder, what does he do from here?

* * *

The kiss replays through Kihyun’s mind on a loop for the next few days. It’s all he can think about. He keeps messing up during dance practice because he’s so unfocused and he can tell the other members are starting to worry about him. Only Minhyuk knows what’s really going on, the two of them having briefly spoken about it, but Kihyun can’t say that Minhyuk’s doing much better himself. He almost envies the other man for his injury. It gives him an excuse, at least, to make mistakes. Kihyun doesn’t have that.

Minhyuk’s ankle had finally healed enough that he’s been cleared to start dancing again, but he makes little slip ups, and everyone just assumes it’s because his ankle is hurting. Kihyun knows better, though. He’s watched Minhyuk carefully as they dance (which also hasn’t been helping with him getting distracted so often) and he’s noticed that Minhyuk spends most of his time dancing staring at Changkyun. Kihyun wonders if he even realises he’s doing it, or if it’s just a subconscious thing.

Kihyun can’t blame him, though, because when he’s not staring at Minhyuk he’s staring at Changkyun, too. Kihyun’s attention switches between them, Changkyun because they actually kissed and Minhyuk because they almost kissed, and Kihyun knows that if Changkyun had walked in only a few seconds later that it would’ve actually happened.

It’s messing with his brain. He can’t keep being distracted like this. Their comeback is getting closer and closer and Kihyun can’t afford to keep making mistakes with the choreography so late in the game. He knows he needs to get over this and just focus on what’s important.

One morning, Kihyun wakes up way before his alarm and isn’t able to get back to sleep. So, instead, before he has to go and wake the others up, he decides he’s going to mentally sort through everything that’s happened recently so that he can move on from it all. It’s the only way he’s going to manage to make it to the comeback.

He makes himself a bowl of cereal, not having the energy to cook himself a meal, and sits down at the kitchen table. As he spoons cereal into his mouth, Kihyun begins to sort through his thoughts.

The biggest issues: he almost kissed Minhyuk and Changkyun actually did kiss him.

He chooses to focus on Minhyuk first. Ever since the conversations about the fics started, they’ve almost kissed twice, and before that (excluding the one time predebut) there’s never been an incident like this. So, logically, Kihyun can put that down to Minhyuk being confused about his feelings because he’s been reading far too much about himself and Kihyun (and Changkyun, of course) dating. Consuming that much content about a particular thing in such a short amount of time is bound to affect his mind and feelings a little bit.

Kihyun can’t read Minhyuk’s mind, of course, but it seems like the most likely explanation. The only other one Kihyun can think of would be that Minhyuk returns Kihyun’s feelings, but he highly doubts that’s possible. Minhyuk definitely seems to have some sort of feelings for Changkyun, anyway, so there’s no point in Kihyun even entertaining the possibility that Minhyuk might like him back.

(He decides to ignore the little voice at the back of his head that reminds him that Minhyuk could easily have feelings for the both of them because if Kihyun has feelings for two people, then why can’t Minhyuk, too?)

So, that’s the almost-kiss with Minhyuk sorted. He’s caught up in confusion and emotions because of all the fics he’s been reading. Now Kihyun’s rationalised it he can forget about it and move on.

Then, there’s Changkyun. That one’s a little more difficult for Kihyun to explain away. He knows that Changkyun can be unpredictable and do the strangest things sometimes, he isn’t competing for Minhyuk’s spot as most chaotic member for nothing, but this was something different. Kihyun is sure that he saw nervousness on Changkyun’s face. He’s _sure_ of it.

But why would Changkyun be nervous about kissing Kihyun for barely a second just to ease the awkwardness in the room? It just makes no sense.

He could always ask Changkyun why he did it, of course, but he’d probably end up exposing his feelings for the younger, because why else would Kihyun be so hung up on something so small that Changkyun clearly did as a way to ease the atmosphere of the room, even if it was an odd way to go about it? He knows he can’t do that. It’s too risky.

Kihyun groans. He just doesn’t know what to make of it.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t think he’s ever going to get an explanation or understand why Changkyun did what he did, especially not without risking putting his own feelings out in the open, and that’s something that Kihyun’s just going to have to deal with.

So, with that, Kihyun decides he’s going to forget all about it. He can’t read minds, so there’s no way for him to tell what was going through Changkyun’s, and it’s best for him to just accept that and move on. All it’s doing and has been doing for the past few days is making him distracted and feel bad, and he doesn’t need nor want that.

With those thoughts dealt with, Kihyun only has one minor thing left to mull over – what to do about the beta reading situation.

He feels uncomfortable continuing to beta read after everything that’s happened. It was fun while it lasted, but now the guilt is stronger than any enjoyment he gets out of doing it. Before, when no one knew it was him, it was easy enough to ignore the guily. It was a nice way to deal with his feelings that he’s had to keep hidden for so long. But now, after telling Minhyuk, he just feels like it’s wrong to keep doing it. He also knows he needs to apologise to Minhyuk and also to Changkyun about it, worried he’s made them uncomfortable, but that can wait.

For now, the most important thing he needs to do is to DM Monbebe515 to tell them about his decision and hope they aren’t too mad. He knows his members, anyway, and he knows that regardless of who it is, they wouldn’t be mad at someone who was only helping them out, but can’t continue to do so anymore.

He pulls up the chat on his phone. 

**Messages with **Monbebe514  
  
**kihyun: **hey i’m really sorry but i’m going to have to stop beta reading for you. i’m getting a lot busier so it’s harder to find the time to do it and i have other personal reasons to stop that i’d rather not get into. i’ve had a great time beta reading for you for the past year and a bit and i wish you luck in all your future writing. thank you for all the lovely fics you’ve provided and allowed me to help you with and i’ll keep up with reading them even if i can’t continue with my help. i’m really sorry and i hope you understand.  


He locks his phone knowing that he won’t get a reply just yet as all of the members are asleep right now.

Speaking of the members being asleep, Kihyun really should go and wake them up right about now, so that’s what he does.


	3. Chapter 3

**iii. changkyun**

Waking up to a message from his beta reader that they no longer want to help him anymore puts Changkyun in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

He’s not angry at his beta reader, of course not, just disappointed and worried that he’s somehow done something wrong. This has only happened days after they finally spoke for the first time, after all.

The other members must pick up on his mood because they keep sending worried glances his way, but none of them actually say anything to him during dance practice.

That brings him to now, sitting alone in his studio trying to pass some time. He has no inspiration or motivation to work on any music right now, he just wants somewhere to sit and be alone, and what better place to do that than his studio?

It’s not that he’s actively trying to avoid his members, he’s just feeling a bit down in the dumps and some solitude feels like it’ll do him some good.

His peace and quiet is soon interrupted by a knock at his door.

“Come in,” he yells loudly enough to make sure he’s heard through the soundproof walls.

The door slowly creaks open and not one, but two heads peak around the door. “We came to check on you,” Kihyun says sheepishly.

“You seem kinda down,” Minhyuk adds.

Part of Changkyun wants to send them away so he can go back to being alone, but it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know they care enough about him to come to his studio to check on him. So, instead, he gives them a smile and tells them to come in.

Minhyuk takes a seat next to Changkyun on the sofa, but Kihyun just stands and looks at him. Changkyun tilts his head and wonders why Kihyun hasn’t just sat down on his desk chair. There’s barely enough space for two of them on the sofa, let alone three, so it’s really Kihyun’s only option if he doesn’t want to just stand there forever.

“Stand up,” Kihyun says.

Changkyun doesn’t know why he has to, but he complies without protest.

Kihyun slips past him and steals his seat.

Before Changkyun can let out the indignant ‘hey!’ on the tip of his tongue, Kihyun pats his lap and then holds his arms out.

A moment of hesitiation and then Changkyun thinks _‘fuck it’_ and sits down. Right in Kihyun’s lap.

Arms snake around his waist and pull him close and Changkyun feels like he might have a heart attack right then and there with how fast his heart is beating. It feels like it’s trying to escape out of his chest.

Kihyun hooks a chin over Changkyun’s shoulder then hums happily.

Minhyuk tears his attention away from his phone that Changkyun didn’t even realise he’d got out before now and looks over at the two of them with a pout. “Why am I being left out?”

Kihyun tuts. “Come over here, then.”

Minhyuk grins and flops down so his head is in Changkyun’s lap. He looks up, his hair falling around his head like a halo, and then taps a finger on the end of Changkyun’s nose as he says, “Boop.”

Changkyun scrunches up his nose. “What was that for?”

Minhyuk grins wider somehow. “You’re cute.”

“Hey, what about me?”

Minhyuk’s eyes travel from Changkyun’s still scrunched up face to Kihyun’s. “Eh, you’re alright I guess.”

Minhyuk gets smacked on the head which makes Changkyun chuckle. That, in turn, earns him a glare from Minhyuk. “Don’t laugh at me,” he whines.

Changkyun ruffles his hair, messing it up even more than it already was. “I never would.”

They go quiet after, all tired from the long day they’ve had.

After a while, Changkyun notices that Minhyuk’s eyes have closed and his breath has evened out. Even though he can’t see Kihyun, he can feel that his arms have loosened around Changkyun’s waist and he’s more slumped against Changkyun’s back than he was previously. Changkyun smiles as he thinks about the two men currently sleeping on him. They really came all the way down to the studio from the dorm (everyone but Changkyun has left back to the dorm after dance practice and Changkyun had been alone for over an hour before the two showed up) just to make him feel better.

And he does. He feels a lot better than he did before. He hadn’t realised just how much he needed some physical contact and Minhyuk and Kihyun must’ve realised it even if he wasn’t able to. neither of them asked what was going on with him, they just sat with him and made him feel better, and that’s what he loves about the two of them.

He doubts they even realise it, how much they do for Changkyun and how much better they make him feel, and he loves them even more knowing that they don’t do it for validation, they just do it because that’s who they are as people. Loving and caring.

He sighs as his mind goes back to his feelings for Kihyun and Minhyuk. He’d only realised it not so long ago, maybe a few months back. It should’ve been obvious to him long before that, really, but Changkyun’s always been a little oblivious to his own feelings. He’d been writing fics about him, Minhyuk and Kihyun dating for well over a year but most of that time he’d spend telling himself he was just doing it for fun, for a joke, and so it never clicked in his mind that he could actually have feelings for the two of them.

It had only finally hit him one day when he read a comment on one of his fics that said something about how you can really tell how much Changkyun loves and cares for Minhyuk and Kihyun through his actions. It hadn’t been the longest or most detailed comment he’d ever received, but something about it had sent him into crisis mode for a few days. He’d eventually realised that what had started as a ‘joke’ was never really a joke, and he was actually in love with the two of them.

It had been fine for a while. He’d dealt with it. Then, Minhyuk had started talking about the fics. _His_ fics, and it had all come rushing back to him. He knows he’d slipped up with his last fic and basing it too much on reality with Minhyuk’s injury. He’s hesitated on publishing it knowing that the members read his fics, afraid they’ll read it and put two and two together and figure out it’s him. It’s ready to publish, has been for days when his beta had returned it to him, but something is stopping him. And then…

Then he’d gone and done the stupidest thing and kissed Kihyun and Minhyuk. He doesn’t even really know why he did it. it had just seemed to easy, the opportunity right there, and he’d played it off (he hopes) as just lightening the atmosphere.

He’s just glad neither of them started acting weird with him after it. He’s not sure he would’ve handled that.

Minhyuk’s started mumbling in his sleep at this point, the words unintelligible, and Changkyun sighs. He leans back into Kihyun carefully, trying to put more of his weight onto the sofa instead of his back. He tries not to shuffle around too much, not wanting to disturb either of them from their sleep. He knows how tired they all are, so he wants to let them get as much sleep as possible, even if it isn’t the most comfortable position for him.

Trapped between them, Changkyun decides he might as well sleep, too. It’s not like he’d be able to get up and leave even if he wanted to (which he definitely doesn’t, even if his back aches a little).

The ache that’s to come from sleeping on top of each other on a sofa all night will just have to be tomorrow’s problem.

* * *

Changkyun still feels exhausted from his sleepover in the studio the previous night. Kihyun had woken up around 2am and woke Changkyun up not long after complaining his thighs felt dead from Changkyun sitting on them. It meant they’d also had to wake Minhyuk up because Changkyun couldn’t get off of Kihyun’s lap unless Minhyuk moved. Once awake, the three of them had decided to make their way home and back to their own beds because sleeping on the sofa, especially the three of them trying to squeeze on, just wasn’t going to work.

Even back in his own bed, Changkyun had struggled to fall back asleep after that. Minhyuk had struggled, too, and the two of them ended up chatting late into the night about anything and everything they could think of to pass the time.

It had been fun at the time, but now Changkyun was regretting it. he had to go to the studio later to work on a track with Jooheon, but he has a few hours to spare before then, so he considers taking a nap and hoping he’ll be less exhausted by the time he has to go.

Someone knocks on the door and all hopes Changkyun had of having a nap are lost.

“Yeah?” he calls.

Kihyun enters and he’s chewing on his lip. He shuts the door and then stands at the end of Changkyun’s bed. He shuffles his weight from one foot to another and avoids looking at Changkyun. He’s playing with the ring on his finger as he pointedly stares at a spot on Changkyun’s wall.

“What’s up?” Changkyun asks. Kihyun is clearly worrying about something and Changkyun is concerned about what it might have to do with him. Had Kihyun found out he’s been Monbebe514 all along and has come to confront him about it? Changkyun’s not sure how he’d deal with that. Would he tell the truth, admit that he’s in love with Kihyun? Or would he lie and say it’s just a joke?

Before Changkyun can keep wondering about what he’d do if he ever got found out, Kihyun speaks up. “I need to tell you something. It’s not bad, don’t worry, I’m just feeling guilty.”

Well, that only makes Changkyun worry more. “Okay,” he says, stretching out the word. “Come sit down with me and tell me, yeah?” He pats the bed next to him and sits up.

Kihyun nods and sits down on the bed at a respectable distance. Changkyun wishes he would’ve sat closer.

“Please don’t hate me,” is what Kihyun finally says after a moment of silence.

“I could never hate you. Ever.”

Kihyun takes a deep breath. “I was beta reading for Monbebe514 for about a year. I didn’t tell anyone because I just did it for fun, but recently I’ve started to feel guilty about it. I told Minhyuk and apologised to him already in case he felt uncomfortable, so I wanted to do the same for you.”

Wait, what?

Kihyun’s been his beta reader this whole time? And Changkyun didn’t know?

Changkyun starts to panic. If anyone’s going to figure out that Changkyun and Monbebe514 are the same person, it would be his beta reader, but he always felt safe knowing they were just some stranger on the internet that would never really know the real Changkyun to make the connection. Now, to find out it’s Kihyun, makes Changkyun realise he might really be in trouble.

When Changkyun doesn’t say anything, Kihyun continues. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. Minhyuk and I are convinced that Monbebe514 is one of the members, which is why I spoke to him first because I knew it wasn’t him, and we’ve been trying to figure out who it is.”

Changkyun’s heart sinks. This is it. This is the moment where Kihyun calls him out and he’s forced to admit everything.

“We’re not sure, but we think it might be Hyungwon.”

Oh.

Well, nevermind.

Changkyun decides to play along. “I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised. At least one of us had to end up writing fics and Hyungwon’s always been the one I’ve had bets on.”

Kihyun laughs. “I’m glad you agree. And again, I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I only decided yesterday to quit beta reading and tell the both of you.”

Changkyun knew that, of course, as he’d woken up to the message of his beta reader quitting, but he can’t tell Kihyun that. “Don’t worry about it,” he says. He lies back on his bed and tugs on Kihyun’s arm. “Now, come join me. I’ve been told I give good hugs.”

Kihyun scoffs. “Way to be up yourself,” he says, but he doesn’t deny that Changkyun does in fact give good hugs and Changkyun takes that as a win.

The two of them shuffle around until they find a comfortable position to fit together, with Changkyun’s head fit into the space between Kihyun’s head and shoulder. The back of their hands rest against each other and Kihyun moves his hand ever so slightly to link their pinky fingers together.

“Changkyun?” Kihyun says suddenly.

“Hmm?”

“There’s something else I need to tell you.” There’s a long pause. Long enough that Changkyun almost things Kihyun isn’t going to continue, but he eventually does. “I spoke to Minhyuk and— Minhyuk and I, we— I’m kinda—" He cuts himself off with a groan.

“You’re kinda?” Changkyun prompts and hopes it’ll encourage Kihyun to be able to find the right words.

Kihyun doesn’t speak for a while and then he sighs. “Nevermind.”

Changkyun wants to know what Kihyun was going to say, but he doesn’t press. He’s sure that if it’s important then Kihyun will tell him eventually.

For now, he just wants to enjoy being close to him.

* * *

Changkyun comes to the conclusion that he really needs to talk to someone about everything that’s going on. He decides the best person to go to is Hoseok, so he knocks on his door later in the evening and hopes he’s still awake.

Hoseok calls for him to come in and so Changkyun slips inside.

Hoseok pats the bed next to him when Changkyun enters. “What’s wrong? You look like you need to talk.”

And that’s exactly why Changkyun chose Hoseok to come and talk to about this. He’s such a great listener and always knows the right thing to say, so it was a no brainer, really, that Changkyun would choose to come to him.

“There’s a lot to talk about, hyung. Are you sure you want to hear it?”

Hoseok nods. “Of course. Now, tell me what’s going on.”

“Uh, you know the fics everyone keeps talking about?”

Hoseok frowns. “Yes?”

Changkyun gulps. Should he really tell Hoseok it’s him writing the fics? Would Hoseok feel uncomfortable if he knew? Would he be judged? Wait, no, of course he wouldn’t. this is Hoseok we’re talking about. So, Changkyun takes a deep breath, and then admits his secret.

“I write them.”

Hoseok looks so confused. “The ones about you, Kihyun and Minhyuk? And there was a few about Jooheon and Hyungwon, too, right?” He pauses, deep in thought. “Oh. Oh, I see.”

“You do?”

Hoseok smiles and rests a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder. “You have feelings for them, don’t you?”

He didn’t expect Hoseok to figure it out so quickly, or at all. He thought he’d have to say it out loud, but he’s glad he doesn’t. He gives a small nod.

Hoseok smiles so wide Changkyun thinks it must be painful. “Aw, our little maknae is all grown up.” He reaches out to pinch Changkyun’s cheek but Changkyun swats his hand away.

It does make Changkyun smile, though, and that’s what he needed right now – to get everything off his chest and have a reason to smile again.

Hoseok keeps going to pinch Changkyun’s cheeks, so Changkyun has to keep swatting his hands away. Hoseok is giggling as he does it and eventually Changkyun gives in and lets Hoseok do whatever he wants.

He stretches Changkyun’s cheeks around and pokes them.

Once he’s satisfied with his amount of pulling and poking, he says, “So, are you going to tell them?”

And that’s something that Changkyun doesn’t have the answer to, not really. So, that’s what he tells Hoseok. “I don’t know. Do you think I should?”

“That’s not up to me to decide.” Hoseok frowns. He opens his mouth, then closes it again. This happens a few times before he finally says, “I’m not sure if this’ll just make things worse, but I think it’s best to let you know.” He pauses and Changkyun nods to encourage him to go on. “I think Kihyun and Minhyuk might already be dating.”

“_Oh._”

That makes Changkyun’s mood drop. Not because he’s jealous and doesn’t want them to be together, that’s exactly what he wants, but because if they’re already dating and they haven’t said anything to Changkyun yet then he doubts they have any feelings for him. They probably just have feelings for each other and not for Changkyun.

Which, well, hurts a bit, but it can’t be helped. If they’re happy together then he’ll be happy for them, even if he wishes he could be part of that, too.

It makes sense, now, what Kihyun was trying to tell him earlier. He was probably going to tell Changkyun that he’s dating Minhyuk but he knows Changkyun has feelings for him so he’s sorry he doesn’t feel the same way and that Minhyuk doesn’t either. That must be why he hesitated so much on telling Changkyun.

Changkyun feels himself start to enter a downwards spiral and he realises he wants to be alone.

“Thanks for telling me, Hoseok-hyung.”

Hoseok much sense the disappointment and sadness in Changkyun’s voice because he’s putting his hand back on Changkyun’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m glad you told me.” Changkyun gets up to leave and for a second he thinks Hoseok is going to stop him, but he doesn’t. he just says goodbye as Changkyun exits his room. 

Changkyun trudges down the hall back to his own room. He doesn’t know if Mingtuk is at the dorm right now, or if he’s in their room, but part of him really hopes he isn’t. Changkyun loves Minhyuk, but he really just wants to be alone right now.

He opens the door to the room without much thought and is met with a sight he absolutely wasn’t expecting to see. Minhyuk is sitting in Kihyun’s lap and the two of them have their foreheads pressed together. Kihyun’s hands rest on Minhyuk’s waist while Minhyuk’s hands are on Kihyun’s shoulders. Changkyun watches as Minhyuk leans forward and pecks Kihyun on the lips before giggling.

Changkyun coughs to make his presence known and the two of them jump away from each other, both turning bright red. It only then registers to Changkyun that interrupting them probably wasn’t the best move and he should’ve just snuck back out. He retreats closer to the door and says, “Uh, I’ll go sleep in Jooheon-hyung’s room. Goodnight.”

Changkyun doesn’t wait for a reply before he runs out of the room. He grabs his keys which he thankfully left in his coat pocket that’s hanging on the hook by the front door. He hears Kihyun calling out for him, but Changkyun slips out of the front door before he or Minhyuk are able to catch up to him.

It’s selfish, he knows, but he can’t handle being near the two of them right now. He’s happy that they have each other now, of course he is, but he wishes so _bad_ that he could’ve been part of that. That he could be their boyfriend and show his love and affection, too.

But he can’t.

He finds himself at his studio and locks the door once he gets inside. He barely makes it to the sofa before he collapses and lets out a heart wrenching sob. He knows he shouldn’t be so worked up over this, he _knows_, but it just hurts. It hurts really bad.

He decides he’s going to be selfish just for tonight. He’s going to let himself cry and be hurt and feel all of those horrible emotions. He’s going to let it all out and then when he wakes up tomorrow morning he’s going to be happy for them and he’s going to go and apologise for running out on them like that. And then, he’s going to move on. Because loving them when they have each other and don’t need him is just going to hurt him in the long run, and he doesn’t want that.

So Changkyun cries that night. He lets himself cry loudly, protected by the soundproofing of the walls of his studio. He cries until he falls asleep on the uncomfortable sofa that he’d shared with Kihyun and Minhyuk only a few days before.

Even though he knows he’s going to get a scolding for sleeping here and running out of the dorm late at night without telling anyone where he was going, he doesn’t have it in him to care right now. He lets his eyes slip closed and his breathing even out.

He dreams of Kihyun and Minhyuk.

* * *

Changkyun doesn’t leave his studio the next morning. He sends a text to Hyunwoo telling him he’s unwell and can’t make it to dance practice. He gets a text back asking where he is, but he ignores it. He just needs a day alone.

Ditching dance practice, ignoring his friends and holing himself up in his studio is definitely not a solution to his problems, but there’s one last thing Changkyun needs to go so that he can finally let go of Kihyun and Minhyuk and move on like he wants to.

He opens up Word on his computer and ponders what he should write this time. It’s going to be his final fic, after all, so he needs to make it a good one. Go out with a bang, like they say.

Before he has a chance to come up with an idea, there’s a knocking at his door and he hears Minhyuk calling out for him. “Changkyun-ah? Are you in there?”

Changkyun doesn’t reply and prays that Minhyuk will take the hint and leave.

“Please, Changkyunnie, come out of there.” Minhyuk’s voice sounds raw like he’s been crying and Changkyun’s heart clenches, even if he can’t figure out a reason as to why Minhyuk could have possibly been crying.

The door handle jiggles a few times before there’s a sigh and then, “Please come talk to us soon.”

Changkyun sits and waits for another few minutes until he’s sure that Minhyuk is gone.

And once he’s sure, he breathes a deep sigh of relief. He’ll talk to Minhyuk and Kihyun later, and he does feel bad about ignoring them after running out on them last night, but first he needs to write this fic. It’s the only way he’s going to move on.

He turns back to his empty Word document and begins to type.

> _Changkyun loves from afar. He keeps it quiet, never whispers a word of his feelings to another soul, but he loves. He loves to much and so hard that sometimes it overwhelms him. His heart fills with so much love that he feels like it’s going to explode._
> 
> _Yet, he doesn’t say a word._
> 
> _He sees the touched that Minhyuk gives Kihyun when he thinks no one is looking. He sees the dopey smile that’s permanently on Kihyun’s face whenever he looks in Minhyuk’s direction. He sees the secret touches and glances that they share. He sees it all. He sees the love they hold for each other, even when they think no one else notices._
> 
> _Changkyun always notices._
> 
> _He notices because he knows how it feels. He knows how it feels to love another that much, because Changkyun is so full of love for his hyungs, for Kihyun and Minhyuk, that he can’t help but notice all these little things._
> 
> _He’d never breathe a word of his love to either of them, to anyone. It’s his best kept secret, the fact he’s in love with the two of them. Not another living soul has any idea of his love._
> 
> _He just appreciates them from afar. He loves them from afar._
> 
> _He loves them even though they only love each other. And it’s okay. It’s okay because even if they don’t love him back, seeing them happy fills Changkyun with happiness too._
> 
> _All he ever wants it to see them happy._
> 
> _When Changkyun looks at Minhyuk he sees the sun. He sees someone so bright and so warm. He sees someone who always manages to brighten up everything around him. Without the sun, without Minhyuk, the world would be so dark._
> 
> _And when Changkyun looks at Kihyun he sees the stars. So beautiful, so pretty. The stars are always there, in the same spot, always reliable. You can depend on the stars to be in the sky much like you can depend on Kihyun to always be there._
> 
> _And Changkyun loves his sun and his stars. He loves them more than anything._
> 
> _He wishes he could be their moon._
> 
> _But he isn’t. And that’s okay._

Changkyun smiles sadly at his screen as he finishes typing. It’s such a short fic, much shorter than what he’d usually write, and a much different tone, too, but it conveys his emotions well. It’s the best way for him to explain how he feels.

He reads it over once to check for typos and then opens up the New Work page to post it. he doesn’t have a beta anymore to check it over, after all, now that Kihyun’s quit, so there’s no use in wasting time waiting to post.

It’s not like it matters anymore, anyway. This is his final fic. His goodbye as Monbebe514.

He enters a title, _for you_, and a vague summary. He adds all the appropriate tags that he needs and then stares at the intimidatingly empty Notes box. He knows he needs to write something, to explain to his readers that this is it, this is his last fic, and he won’t be writing any longer, but nothing he can think of feels like enough.

He types and deletes and retypes the note so many times. It’s frustrating, to know what you want to say so bad, but to be unable to find the right words to express it.

He eventually settles on something simple. A short goodbye that thanks his readers for sticking with him and wishes them the best. It might be simple, but it works.

He pastes his fic into the box and reads over it once again just to double check that he didn’t miss any typos.

Once he’s satisfied, he hits post.

He leans back into his chair with a breath of relief. After nearly two years of writing these fics, Changkyun feels like it’s about time to let go. It was fun and enjoyable while it lasted, but it’s time for him to move on now.

He opens up his texts with Minhyuk, the last person to text him, so he can finally do the last thing that needs to be done to enable him to move on and feel better.

minhyuk  
  
**changkyun:**read Monbebe514’s latest fic  
  
**minhyuk: **what?  
  
**minhyuk: **why  
  
**changkyun:**just trust me hyung  
  
**changkyun:**ask kihyun-hyung too  
  
**minhyuk: **im confused changkyun-ah  
  
**minhyuk: **whats going on?  
  
**changkyun:**read it with kihyun-hyung  
  
**changkyun:**then come to my studio  
  
**changkyun:**only after you've read it ok?  
  
**minhyuk: **im worried  
  
**minhyuk: **but ok  
  
**minhyuk: **we'll be there soon  
  


The nerves start creeping in when Changkyun locks his phone and puts it away. He’s really finally doing this and it’s terrifying.

He sits back and waits.

* * *

When the knock on his door comes Changkyun has to take a deep breath to steel his nerves before he’s able to get up and unlock the door.

He comes face to face with Minhyuk and Kihyun who both have matching looks of concern plastered on their faces. Changkyun gestures for them to come in and pointedly ignores that their hands are clasped together.

He shuts the door behind them and takes his seat in his desk chair.

Kihyun and Minhyuk sit on the sofa in front of him, their thighs pressed together and their interlocked hands resting on Kihyun’s knee. Changkyun only briefly glances at their hands before looking away, but Kihyun must notice because he unclasps their hands and brings his own hands together, folded neatly in his lap.

“I need to tell you something,” Changkyun says finally. His voice breaks near the end, a clear sign of his anxiousness.

“What is it?” Kihyun asks. “And why did we have to read that fic?”

Changkyun really thought Kihyun would’ve caught on by now, but if the two of them are so convinced that Hyungwon is the writer then of course they’re not going to make the connection.

“Just let me talk, okay? I’ll explain everything just—just don’t interrupt. Please.”

Kihyun and Minhyuk glance at each other, then both nod.

Changkyun takes a deep breath. He can’t really believe he’s doing this. After all these years of hiding it and keeping it a secret, he’s finally admitting the truth. “I’m Monbebe514.”

Kihyun’s eyes widen and his jaw drops slightly.

Minhyuk acts similarly, then he opens his mouth to speak, but Changkyun cuts him off before he can.

“Just let me finish, okay? I’ll answer questions after.”

They both nod once again and keep quiet.

“It started at a joke at first, something fun to do on the side when I needed to wind down. Writing has always been relaxing to me, and I knew about the fans writing fanfics, so I thought ‘how funny would it be to write fics about myself without anyone knowing?’ Then, I got a beta reader, apparently you, hyung, and it became more serious. But even then, I still just did it for fun.” Changkyun fiddles with one of the buttons on his shirt and avoids looking at either of them. “It took me a while, but I realised I was in love with both of you and it wasn’t just some silly joke anymore. I don’t know when or how I fell in love, it just seemed to happen. Maybe I’m an idiot and have been all along and just didn’t realise,” he tries to lighten the mood, but it falls flat with how much his voice is shaking. “I never actually planned on telling you, but a lot has happened now, and I need to finally come clean.” He pauses to take a look at both of their face. The only expression either of them wear is one of shock, which is to be expected. Changkyun has just told them he’s in love with them, after all. he continues on. “I know you’re together, Hoseok told me, and I’m happy for you, I really am. I understand that I’m not part of it, but I’m okay with it. I’m happy for you both, really.” He’s starting to ramble now, so he cuts himself off.

Now he’s done speaking, the room falls into silence. It’s tense and Changkyun hates it. He feels like he could cry, even. He really just wants them to tell him to his face what he already knows, that they don’t feel the same, so he can finally move on.

Kihyun is the one who eventually speaks up. “You’ve got it all wrong, Changkyun-ah. You’re already our moon.”

Changkyun frowns. “What does that mean?”

Then, he remembers the fic. The one he’d published and asked them both to read.

“Does that mean—?”

Minhyuk nods. “We were planning to tell you when you got home yesterday, but you ran away before we could. We both like you, Changkyunnie.”

And Changkyun can’t believe it, he really can’t, because this is the last thing he expected to ever happen. He pinches himself to make sure he isn’t dreaming and then hisses in pain when he does it a little too hard.

Kihyun hooks a foot around one of the wheels of Changkyun’s chair and yanks him forward. The momentum throws Changkyun forward towards Kihyun and he steadies himself by putting his hands on Kihyun’s chest.

He looks up and notices the proximity of their faces and realises Kihyun did it on purpose.

Changkyun swallows as he searches Kihyun’s eyes for any hint that he could be lying, but all he sees reflected back at him is love.

“I love you,” Changkyun blurts, overwhelmed. Then, he amends, “Both of you.”

Kihyun leans forward and whispers, “I love you,” before he pecks Changkyun on the lips. Then, he giggles and starts peppering kisses all over Changkyun’s face.

“Hyung,” Changkyun whines, but he doesn’t actually mind that Kihyun’s doing it, he just wants to be in a more comfortable position. “Let me move.”

Kihyun pulls back and nods and he has the most beautiful smile on his face.

Changkyun’s heart clenches. He can’t help but lean back in and capture Kihyun in a kiss, their mouths slowly moving against each other. Changkyun slides off the chair and climbs onto the sofa and into Kihyun’s lap, all without breaking their kiss.

He feels someone start stroking at the back of his head, but Kihyun’s hands are still cupping his cheeks, so he realises it must be Minhyuk.

Changkyun pulls away from Kihyun who whines at the loss and chases his lips. Changkyun doesn’t think he’s even doing it consciously. He kisses the tip of Kihyun’s nose, which makes Kihyun giggle sweetly, and then Changkyun turns to Minhyuk.

He looks uncharacteristically shy, so Changkyun leans forward and kisses his forehead. He pulls back to look into Minhyuk’s eyes and whispers, “I love you.”

The smile he gets in return fills his heart with warmth.

“As fun as this is,” Kihyun starts, “we really should be getting back to the dorm. Everyone’s been worried about you.”

“I’m sorry,” Changkyun apologises sheepishly. He didn’t even really think of what impact it might have on his members for him to hide out in his studio for so long. “I just needed to deal with some stuff.”

“It’s all okay now, though, right?” Minhyuk asks. He takes Changkyun’s hand into his own.

“Better than okay.”

* * *

Changkyun wakes up the next morning feeling lighter than he has in a while. It’s like all of his issues have floated away.

Well, sort of.

There’s now the small issue that he doesn’t know where he actually stands with Kihyun and Minhyuk. Sure, they said they love him, but is he their boyfriend now? They’re already dating each other, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s dating them too.

He’ll just have to talk to them about it later. For now, he really just wants to go and grab some breakfast. He’s _starving_.

Minhyuk is already out of their room, Changkyun realises, but, luckily, he doesn’t have to go sending out a search party because he finds him in the kitchen will all of the rest of their members.

“Did you forget to wake me up?” Changkyun asks as he enters the room.

“We wanted to let you have some extra sleep,” Kihyun says as he starts moving the dishes from the countertops to the table. It seems like he’s prepared a huge breakfast for them all. “I was about to come and wake you.”

Changkyun’s stomach grumbles as he sits down at the table. He takes a seat next to Minhyuk which leaves the other spare seat for Kihyun on his other side.

As soon as Changkyun sits down Minhyuk puts his hand on Changkyun’s knee and squeezes. Changkyun looks over and Minhyuk smiles at him, then leans in and pecks Changkyun’s cheek.

As far as interactions between them go, it’s a completely normal one and no one bats an eye at the two of them.

That changes when Kihyun sits down after finally transferring all of the dishes of food to the table. He, too, kisses Changkyun’s cheek, but that’s a more unusual occurrence. Kihyun never kisses anyone unprompted.

Changkyun blushes when he notices all of the attention is on him. Hyungwon, Jooheon and Hyunwoo look expectedly confused, but Hoseok is smiling at him and Changkyun knows he’s figured it out. Changkyun manages a smile back before he directs his attention down to his lap.

“Uh, I guess we’re dating?” Kihyun says.

“Wait, we are?” Changkyun looks up and looks between Minhyuk and Kihyun with his eyebrows furrows. Minhyuk is laughing while Kihyun just rolls his eyes at Changkyun.

The smack over the back of his head (Kihyun’s doing, of course) is unsurprising to Changkyun, but he still lets out an indignant ‘hey!’ and then pouts.

Minhyuk leans over and kisses his pout away and Changkyun ends up having to hide his face in Minhyuk’s neck from the embarrassment. He isn’t used to be shown so much affection yet, and especially not in front of all of their friends.

“Wait, did Monbebe514’s fics predict they’d get together?” Jooheon asks. “Can that happen to me?”

Everyone’s attention turns to Jooheon and his accidentally slip up and Hyungwon ends up going bright red. Changkyun thanks whatever gods exist for making Jooheon not think before speaking, because he felt like he was going to explode with all of the attention on him. Now that the attention is instead focused on Jooheon and Hyungwon, Changkyun feels like he can breathe again. He takes a moment to sit back in his chair and think about everything.

He really does have the best friends ever in his members, and now the best boyfriends ever, too.

Writing those fics may not have panned out in any way that he expected, but Changkyun thank his past self for ever having written them, because without them he’s never have ended up where he is now.

He’s happy, he realises. Happier than he ever thought would be possible. Not that he wasn’t happy before, no, but there’s just an unexplainable happiness that comes from knowing that your love is mutual.

And so Changkyun whispers “I love you” into Minhyuk’s ear, and then into Kihyun’s, and then he joins in with the conversation and teasing of Jooheon and Hyungwon.

And later, when Changkyun finally gets a chance to be alone with Kihyun and Minhyuk after a long day of dance practice, Changkyun tells them everything he loves about them. They share sweet kisses in the comfort and privacy of Changkyun and Minhyuk’s room.

When Changkyun is lying there, cuddled up between the two men he loves, on the verge of slipping into a deep slumber, he silently thanks the universe for allowing him to be the moon to his sun and his stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there we go!!! this fic has lowkey been the bane of my existence for like 2 months now but! its done n its over n im proud of how it turned out n i hope ppl enjoyed this :D (i mean i'd assume so if you managed to get to the end to read this JKDKJSJDK)

**Author's Note:**

> kudos & comments r much appreciated n make me rly happy!


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